Erik straightens, gesturing before the words even make it out of his mouth. “This clean-up my aunt and uncle are talking about? That puts you on Wimberley’s radar in a whole new way. If you go off script, I don’t know what they’ll do. Do you hear me?”
Ant nods. “Wimberley—that’s who Hedy works with, right?”
“Yes, it is.
“Will Anders and them tell her?”
Ant’s eyes again fill with worry—he’s told me how much he likes and respects his therapist—and Erik loses even more of the head of steam he’s built up.
“They will.”
Ant bites his inner lip. “Should I talk to her first?”
Erik nods. “I think that’s a good idea.”
Rubbing the back of his neck, he looks up at Erik with wide, sincere eyes. “I’m sorry I scared you.”
Erik reaches out to ruffle Ant’s hair but draws back instead.
“That’s okay. I just want you to be safe. Always.”
“Thank you.” Ant leans toward Erik, and Erik brings him in for a soft hug, rubbing his back.
My chest aches at the sweetness of it. Even though Ant’s complained that Erik thinks of him as a little kid, I bet it’s painful for Erik to acknowledge that Ant is genuinely his own person.
Typical savior complex,I think to myself. I would know. I thought Anders was off his block when he suggested giving Ant the list. Now I understand that we must.
Erik exchanges a look with Anja, and she gestures for him to continue. “My aunt and uncle know your mind better than I do, and they did right by my cousins. The ability to kill without remorse is one of the heaviest responsibilities a person can have. You don’t have that thing inside you telling you it’s wrong.”
“But…that’s not true. I havezerodesire to kill good people, and I’d be devastated to find I’d killed an innocent person. It’s the bad people I can kill without remorse. Plus, that’s why I have you and Charlie,” Ant says, tugging on Erik’s open plaid shirt. Gesturing to everyone in the room, he continues, “And Nacho. And Bram and Levy. And now my uncle. You all help innocent people, and that’s what I want to do too.”
Erik bites his lip, his chin trembling for a few seconds before he gathers himself. “Good. Keep building on that. Just remember you’re the equivalent of an automatic rifle. Powerful but devastating in the wrong hands.”
“Do you think Anders will train me?”
Erik makes a disgruntled sound. “I’lltrain you.”
The smallest quirk of a smile graces Anja’s lips before she neutralizes it and faces her enormous nephew.
“Will youreallytrain him? Or will you try to stifle him? I think we both know that won’t work.”
He takes a deep breath. “I agree. I don’t want this for him because it’s so dangerous—”
Agreed.And yet…
Ant interrupts him. “And because you remember me from that night.”
Erik clenches his jaw, tilting his head back, staring at the ceiling. They give him a moment to process, and I suddenly have a lot of empathy for the guy. When he looks back down at Ant, a single tear tracks down his handsome face.
“Of course I remember. I was listening in the whole time. The differences between the way you sounded on that bed, the bravery you showed in the bathtub, and the way you looked at me in the back of my truck fucking breaks my heart every time I think about it. The mask, the terror, and finally, the disbelief that there are any good people left in the world? I’ve been doing this for years, and we saw exactly how smart you were, how cunning you had to be. How you had to trust us, even though you didn’t know us.”
Ant lowers his head. “I know you’re disappointed, but this is who I am.”
“I’m not disappointed in you, Ant.Fuck.” Erik rubs his forehead, softening his voice. “I amterrifiedfor you to go on these ops. You are small. You don’t have weapons training. You don’t have self-defense training.”
Bram clears his throat. “Levy and I have actually worked with him quite a bit on self-defense.”
I’ve seen their work, and it is really, really good. Erik seems to accept that.
