Javier’s eyes search for mine, locking our gazes as though it’s the one thing anchoring him to this moment. I take a few calming breaths, which Ant and Javier follow instinctively. Javier tilts his head back, silently staring at the ceiling as he pulls himself together.
“It is.” I wind my arms around Ant. “This is really happening and, according to every report we’ve got, these are really good people. I’m still going in first with Javier to get a lay of the land and set some boundaries. My job today is to make sure this is a really good call for you too.”
“Thanks, Levy. Seeing you work with the other folks…I realize how lucky I am to have you in my corner now.”
Javier nods along to Ant’s words, tapping his chest.Thank you, he mouths. I send him a wink and mess with Ant’s hair.
“Yeah, well, if you make me cry before we call tus abuelos, they’re going to think we have bad news.”
Javier gives a wry chuckle, gesturing to himself. “I’ve been crying all night, so they’re going to take one look at my face and worry I have bad news anyway. I need Levy on the call smiling so they know it’s good news.”
Ant draws his chin back, turning to face his uncle, who looks remarkably put together despite the emotional breakdown he just had. “You cried last night?”
“I couldn’t sleep for how much I cried last night,” he says, grasping Ant’s shoulder with a large hand.
“I don’t want you to cry for me like that.”
Javier and I share a look, along with a soft laugh.
I shake my head. “Sorry, buddy. You went through some awful shit, and with what we know of your uncle now, he understands more than almost anyone. He’s going to cry. Your family is going to cry. That’s how we get better.”
Ant’s disgruntled look makes me laugh. “That’s such bullshit. It’s like those assholes are still hurting people even after it’s over.”
“Nope. All this ugly stuff is healing. They’re not doing a damn thing at this point. You are putting yourself back together brick by brick. Literally, every tear is washing them out of your cells. That’s not them winning. That’s them losing.”
“You really think so?”
“Ant, I know so. Hell, every skin cell on your body is brand new. Your eyebrows and eyelashes were done with those assholes, like, a month after Charlie and Erik rode in like big damn heroes. Your nails are likebitch, I don’t even know you.”
Ant laughs, so I keep going.
“When you cut off your ponytail, bro…I was so proud of you. Those shit stains have never seen this version of you. And sure, your organs and brain cells are gonna take a little longer to fully process them out of your system, but fucking cry, dude. Everything about your body tells them, ‘Fuck you, I survived.’Own that shit.”
More satisfying than his laugh is the proud little smile on his lips. He knows I’m not bullshitting him. Even Javier seems a little brighter, which makes me inexplicably happier. I grab his hand and squeeze it. He squeezes back and sends me a grateful look.
Ant chucks my shoulder, and I refocus. “Do you always curse this much with your clients?”
“Fuck yeah,” I say, bringing him in for a noogie.
“Ugh,” he complains, batting my hands away. “You suck.”
“Whatever. You love me.”
“That too,” he says, turning to hug Javier.
Given his reticence with most people around hugs, seeing him so readily hug Javier makes me wonder if his body recognizes family, love, and safety. I’m not sure I would’ve guessed that for him when he first moved into the bunkhouse, but I sure as fuck am happy to see it.
After a long moment, Ant takes a deep breath and squares up.
“Okay, let’s do this.”
We set up in the living room, and Erik grabs a little tripod from his junk drawer. We set up the camera in landscape for the best view and start with Ant sitting off to the side while Javier and I are next to each other. Erik leans in to give Ant a quick back rub, then steps off to the side, hovering.
“You ready?” I ask Javier, taking in his rugged features. Despite the tragedies this family has experienced, most of the lines on his face seem to be from smiling.
He looks exhausted and grief-stricken but radiant, if such a thing is possible. God, if people could see how beautiful recovery can be, I wonder if they would still let its brutality stop them from trying.
Answering with a nod, he wraps his arm around my shoulders for a quick squeeze. “Thank you for what you’ve done and what you’re doing now for our family.”
