Bram goes to open his mouth, and I hold up my finger. I continue in Spanish, “They think your history makes you fragile. They think it makes you unreliable. Unstable. Then you have an outburst like this and all but prove their point. Look at Justin, Charlie, and Erik right now. You just said what happened to you and look at their faces.”
He follows my line of sight, and they are, in a word, horrified.
“And whileyouknow you survived, they’re thinking about how you must’ve felt in the moment. They’re not thinking about how youknewhow to survive. Because somewhere along the line, you made a decision to survive, didn’t you?”
“Fucking right, I did.”
“They would never be able to handle something like that, and they’re the guys in charge of everything. They can’t even begin to imagine howyouwere able to handle it. I know you want to be involved, but you have to prove you can handle being involved.”
Frustration hardens Ant’s features, showing more of his real age. “I hadnosay over what happened to me, and now again, I have no say. Why the fuck am I here if they’re just going to ignore me again?”
“They’re not ignoring you. They’re just notthereyet.”
“Then why are you here? How did they knowyoucould handle it when they needed you to translate for them? And what the fuck is Justin doing here?”
I grimace a little, looking around the room before I continue in Spanish, “They were losing control of the situation. Bram called me because I think he knew I’d be able to translate quickly and calm everyone down. Then two women needed me to translate what happened to them. I’m telling you, man, it was some of the most awful shit I’ve ever heard in my whole life. But I did the job, and I made them feel comfortable.”
“See! That’s what I mean! You were at least given a chance to prove yourself.”
“I wouldn’t have if there had been any other way. It was an emergency situation. While you’re not a kid, you’re still very, very young, and you’ve refused therapy. I’m telling you, listening to that shit? I need a therapy session.”
“I know exactly the kind of therapy you and Bram have going on.”
I don’t deny the truth.
“All I’m saying is you have to prove you’re ready, and I’ll help. I think you’re right. This shit that happened to you? They should be listening to what you have to say. But it would kill these men to cause you further harm. They’re not doing it because they don’t respect you. They’re doing it because they love you, and they want you to have the option of a life that has nothing to do with trafficking.”
Ant clenches his jaw, looking like he’s holding back tears. I open my arms, and Ant steps into them, letting me give him a quick hug.
Stepping back, he takes several deep breaths. I try to imagine the terrible nights he must’ve had, feeling so fucking alone. I envision a pre-teen Ant squaring his shoulders and deciding, fuck it, he’s going tolive.
As much as I want to encase him in bubble wrap and make sure that fucking life never fucking touches him again, I know that’s not the solution. He’s like the buffalo that run toward the storm. He wants to confront these people. He wants to make them pay.
Can’t say I blame him.
Having calmed himself, Ant turns to Charlie and Erik. “I’m sorry for getting so upset. Can you please at least let me hear what your plan is? I promise, I just…I need to feel like I’m doing something. Even if it’s just listening.”
There’s a moment of silence, with Charlie stroking his chin, appearing to consider Ant’s words while Erik shakes his head.
“Okay,” Charlie eventually says, even though Erik’s jaw practically creaks with disapproval. “The first thing we need is more information. We have to verify Nacho’s theory. From there, we need to understand the scope of this thing. If we go after them, does that bring a bigger threat to our door? Do they have people over there? How do we manage this? All we’re doing right now is assessing the situation. That’s why Justin is here. He’s going to help Nacho finish the work.”
“I can finish the work,” Ant insists, upset all over again. “What experience does he have that I don’t?”
Justin’s Adam’s apple bobs, and he sends Charlie a helpless look. Charlie grabs his hand, kissing his knuckles.
Erik lets out an annoyed sound. “Hey, I get you’re not happy about this, but it’s not your place to question our decisions.”
Ant’s eyes go shiny, and Charlie holds up his hands, looking desperate to avoid a meltdown. “Justin’s going because he’s already been part of two ops. He helped save a kid during a search and rescue on horseback and then helped me take down one of the guys who sold you. He knows the work. This is nonnegotiable.”
Ant stares at Justin, and I’m guessing this is new information to him. Justin sorta shrugs and nods, which pulls the knot out of the anger building in Ant’s body.
Crossing his arms over his chest, Ant takes a beat, then asks, “Can I ask what you’ll do after that?”
Charlie nods, and Erik rolls his eyes. “Of course. But the answer is…it depends. After we gather what information we can, we’ll first have to look at what we’ve got to determine the next steps.”
“But you willdosomething? Even if you don’t find anything?”
“Absolutely. If we don’t find anything, it’s probably because we’re looking in the wrong place. But that’s when we bring in the big guns. When we were on our own, Erik and I hit a lot of dead ends. But we have better friends now. We come when they call, and they help us when we need it. Nobody wants to see these people get away with it.”
