After several minutes, still clinging to her, I shake my head.
“Fuck, I’m so sorry.”
She squeezes me tight. “No, none of that. Can you tell me what happened?”
I let out a puff of air against her neck, not wanting to move from this spot.
“I don’t know, I just…you were kissing me, and then you started moving down, and I was afraid.”
“Afraid? Did I make you afraid by doing that?”
I shake my head, nuzzling into her. “No. It sounds so stupid, but I didn’t want to be up here all by myself. Like, I wanted to keep kissing and touching up here, and I didn’t want you to go away from me. Even saying it out loud makes me feel like the biggest dumbass. It’s just…suddenly, it felt like I couldn’t express myself, and it felt like you were going to go away forever, and that made me so sad,” I say, choking up again at the thought of it. “That’s the dysregulation, isn’t it?”
She nods. “I’m no expert, but…yeah. Sounds like it.”
“Fuck. I can’t stand not being able to control it. It’s like anything that’s a little emotion becomes this tsunami. Annoyed becomes enraged, missing you becomes I’ll never get to see you again. I feel so fucking ridiculous. Like a toddler.”
“Hey, now, hey. I’m sure that felt awful, and the lack of control has got to suck, but none of that sounds immature or stupid. It sounds awful. Worse is how you’re judging yourself for it.”
“I can’t help judging myself. How’m I supposed to plan a comeback when all I’ve got are setbacks?”
Kinley makes a scoffing sound. “Please. This is not a setback. It’s,at best,a side effect. Everything is so much better—your speech, your gait, your playing, your singing. Hell, you haven’t been a raging bitch in days.”
I smash my face into her neck. “Shut up.”
She throws her head back and lets out a big, free laugh. It’s the kind of laugh that involves her whole body, and because I’m clinging to her so tightly, mine as well. I start laughing with her, and the remaining tension leaves my muscles. It’s taken me a minute to understand that—yikes—I feel worthless if I’m not on the road or producing music. Like, this whole concept of rest is stressing me the fuck out, even if I need it because I’ve let myself become overwhelmed with stress.
Her laughter dies down as we continue to breathe together. Drinking in her warm brown eyes, I stretch up for a kiss. Our lips meet, and the embarrassment of my emotional outburst fades. I lick along her lips, and she opens for me, sliding her tongue along mine. Deepening her kiss—and God, can she kiss—she smooths her hands over my ass, pressing down as she lifts her thigh.
Shifting my hips, I adjust and grind my bare pussy down on her, feeding the flame.
“This is what you wanted, isn’t it?” she asks, her voice rough with desire.
I nod, panting as I roll my hips.
“Do you want me to touch you?”
Shaking my head, I whisper back, just as roughly, “I just want to be right here with you.”
My slick on her thigh is noisy, the scent of our arousal heightening every sensation. Tilting my hips, I let out a moan as the adjustment tips the pressure on my clit from not enough tofuck yes.
Dropping my hand to her hip, I grab hold and increase the grind.
“Please,” she begs, breathless. “Put your thumb on me.”
Shifting my hand, I dip into her hot body with my thumb, pressing at her entrance before swirling her wetness up and down her lips. She tilts her hips, chasing the sensation, her body begging me to focus.
I slide my middle finger inside, then drag it lower over the sensitive skin of her pucker.
“Fuck, yes,” she moans. “Finger fuck me. Please.”
Swirling my middle finger until the muscle starts to give, I gently press inside her tight hole while finally sweeping my thumb across her clit.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she swears, her body going rigid as I play for competing sensations.
Holding her in place, I push farther into her ass while picking up more of her slick with my thumb and running under and around her clit. She raises her thigh, and I roll my hips while finger fucking her into the next dimension.
She’s close, and so am I.
