Knox is a little snarly and introduces himself with a cool edge to his tone. I shouldn’t like this jealous side of him as much as I do.
“You got married?” I ask, noticing the gold band.
“With kids and dogs,” he says, looking up at his husband with stars in his eyes.
He and I ran in the same party circles, hooking up with a lot of the same people, and it gives me a pang of jealousy to see him all coupled up with a family. We both have plans in opposite directions, but we end up exchanging numbers before parting ways.
“He seemed realfriendly,” Knox says, still looking a bit disgruntled. “I didn't realize you know so many people in Austin.”
“Well, you run out of men pretty quickly in Elgin. So, Austin’s my stomping ground.”
Oof. The glare off him is positively adorable.
I shudder to realize that the first thing I’m probably going to do after he leaves is come into town and try to erase…never mind. I don't even want to finish that sentence. There's nothing of him I want to erase. There are only the things I don't yet know about him, and I want so badly to learn them.
I shake off the thought and get us into the car for a quick stop at Sandy’s for some dipped ice cream cones. After that, we drive west to Mount Bonnell. It's a popular overlook, and you can view the path of the Colorado River into downtown Austin, where it becomes Lady Bird Lake.
“This is so beautiful,” he says, his eyes full of awe. We’re sitting side-by-side on the limestone benches that encircle a small viewing area. “I bet there are some amazing trails around here.”
“More than you can shake a stick at,” I say, wishing I thought to bring him into town earlier.
Maybe keeping him in grungy old Elgin, Texas was the wrong move. And I realize that trying to get him to stay without actually saying the words isn’t going to get us anywhere. Gathering my courage, I finally open my mouth to say the thing that’s been on my heart, damn near from the beginning.
“Knox…”
“Carter…”
We both seem to have something serious to say, and his sad expression fills me with dread.
“Carter, I—”
I plow forward over him, praying that I can head off disaster. “Stay. Don’t go to California, Knox. I don’t want to have stomping grounds in Austin. I just want you.” I try to bite my tongue, but the words won’t stay put. “I’m falling in love with you, and I can’t… Please, just stay.”
He sits in silence, his eyes looking blankly out over the beautiful vista. After a long moment, his eyes meet mine, and he stitches his brows together. And I know that heartbreak is coming sooner rather than later.
“I think I should leave tomorrow,” he says quietly.
“I thought you were staying till the weekend.” I’ve been avoiding reality, and the ache in my chest is simply the pain I’ve been putting off, now with interest.
“I’ve been packed since last night.”
He says it quietly as though he thinks it might hurt less.
“Why? Why do you want to leave early?”
His eyes stray back to the landscape. “Because that thing you just said? I already knew. And if I stay longer, it’ll only be that much harder. On both of us.”
A tear falls to the sun-bleached limestone, creating a circular swirl of washed-out peach on the dusty surface. I know the tear belongs to me, but the numbness in my chest makes it surreal.
“I’m sorry, Knox. I thought maybe…” I stop on a sigh, knowing that my words won’t change his mind. “You have been very upfront about your goals. And here I was ignoring them. I’m sorry.”
He’s still looking out over the Colorado River, the water starting to shimmer orange in the sunset light. He shifts his pinky to touch mine. I look down at the connection, seeing, finally, how fragile it’s been the whole time.
“You aren't the only one with those feelings,” he says, his West Virginia accent soft. “So you don’t have anything to apologize for. But I made a promise to my brother that I would get out and go as far as I could, all the way to the Pacific. Start a life he’d be proud of.”
He pulls his pinky away and rests his hands in his lap.
“Connor and I always talked about leaving together. He didn’t have to. He could’ve stayed. I was the one who needed to go. I don’t know how I got so lucky to have a brother like him, even if only for a short time.”
