We don't say much after that, letting the quiet fill the car. I find a cut-out and turn back, dropping Roly off at his house several minutes later.
“I'm sorry, Roly-man. Tell your husband that I’m just a mess. Please make sure he knows it really didn't have anything to do with him.”
Roly laughs, smacking my thigh. “Oh, don't you worry about my husband. Your backup just arrived and is currently being strapped down to my bed, naked. He’ll be just fine.”
I shake my head, grateful for community and friendship, even among fuck buddies. “Never change, Roly. Never change.”
He grins. “Tell you what, my friend. I'm going to tell you the exact opposite. Let your heart change you. Let it adjust your perception of yourself.”
Well, fuck.
When I can’t even get the sluttiest guy in my little black book to tell me to ignore my heart, I don't know what the fuck to do.
19
COLT
So the thing about being a co-conspirator-slash-secret boyfriend with Joaquin over the last couple of weeks is that he’s really fucking dangerous. In addition to being the most sensual, appreciative lover ever, he’s just so crankin’ sweet. Frankly, I’m surprised he doesn’t have more people banging down his door.
I think about our little text exchange this morning, and I swear, it really is the small things.
Joaquin:Hey, we ran out of the creamer you like for your coffee. Sam had some at the main house, so check out the gray sports bottle in the fridge.
Colt:Oh wow. I hadn’t even noticed. Thank you.
Joaquin:Anything for you, my favorite co-conspirator.
My cheeks flush with the memory, and I think about what we did last night. I thought I’d have a hard time sleeping, but then Joaquin wanted to cuddle. It felt amazing to hold and be held by him. And he always smells so sexy, like leather and salt and man.
I make my way over to his room again tonight, and he opens the door before I can even knock. Just like that, he’s pulling me in with soft kisses.
“I don’t need to fuck or anything. I’m still having a hard time getting to sleep.”
“Me too,” he says, sneaking his hand up my shirt to run his fingers through my fur. I don’t know why it sends chills to my scalp, but it does.
I disrobe, and we lie on the bed, and he continues to worship my body with his hands. Something about these quiet moments between us shakes loose a truth I’ve been avoiding.
“I think I’m not gonna sleep well until he’s part of us, you know?”
Joaquin nods, his kind, sexy acceptance bleeding out some of the day’s anxiety.
“I feel bad even saying it because I’ve loved these last weeks with you. It’s not you at all.”
“I know,” he says, gliding his fingertips over my nose, going from freckle to freckle. “I feel it too.”
“What if he never comes around?”
Joaquin’s fingers drift through my hair. “Then he doesn’t come around, and we’ll find a way to move on without him.”
“And what about us?”
He grins. “There will be anusif I have any say in the matter. You are far too special to me, cariño.”
His words soothe me, even if the prospect of Warwick not coming around still feels heavy in my chest.
Joaquin kisses my neck, dragging me back to the here and now. “Can I give you a good-night blowjob?”
I laugh, pushing him. “I amnevergoing to say no to a blowjob from you. Can we sixty-nine? It’s like a hug and a blowjob all at once.”
