Odd’s face never loses its concentration. He leans forward, cupping the back of my neck. “Do youreallythink you’re useless?”
I look off to the side. “You still don’t understand the extent of my injuries."
He fans his fingers over my neck. “Then show me, DeShaun. I want to see you. I want to know you. There’s literally nothing, and I genuinely meannothing, that you could show me that would send me away from you. I promise.”
My eyes find his and in them is an overwhelming sincerity.
He takes away his hand and straightens his spine. “It doesn’t have to be tonight. But I’m not going to change my mind. And I’m done with this back-and-forth. I need you.”
He needsme? Unlikely. Still, my shaky resolve continues to crumble, so I push back. “You say that you're totally fine with my injuries.Great. What about the fact that erections are painful for me, so I can’t top? That the only way for me to come is while wearing a cock cage? Do you have a preferred position with anal? Because itdoesn't matterwhat your preference is, I only have the one setting.”
His eyes light up, which is the opposite of what I was expecting. “Wait, are you kidding me? Not only do you have a dick, but you cancome? What the fuck else matters? I didn’t even know it was possible to come while wearing a cage. That’s…fuck, that’s awesome. Truly.”
The fucking adoration in his expression…he just doesn’t get it.
“Sure, that's fine for the first couple of times. But do you really think that you would want to get into something long-term with these issues? With someone who will never be able to do anything beyond that? We haven’t even gotten into the wasteland of my head. Why would you wantthiswhen you could have anyone?”
17
Odd
“Why would you want this when you could have anyone?”
What kind of fucking question is that?
“Look, D. I’m not going to lie to you and say that I didn’t consider things. I fucking considered things. I worry about the trauma and how it affects you. And, yeah, I’m vers, but I prefer bottoming. And we both deserve satisfaction in bed.”
I pause to gather my thoughts.
“Odd—”
I cut off any protest before he can get started. “But here's the thing. I won't ever be satisfied with anyone else. And I've had plenty of sex, been dicked down and pegged by some very talented people. What I haven't had nearly enough of isyou.”
“Odd—”
“And…I don't know what that looks like. I don't know how we work around this. But I'm telling you that I want toat least fucking try. And I'm tired of you sayingnofor my benefit. Do I look like I'm benefiting from this?"
DeShaun’s jaw clenches and he looks to the ground, shaking his head.
I press on. “Areyoubenefiting from this?”
Another shake of his head.
“Do you really think I’msacrificingsomething to be with you?”
He opens his mouth to protest but instead lowers his head. “Of course you are. You deserve so much more than I can give you.”
How do I explain this to him?
“I would sacrifice a fucking limb for you. Major organs. My goddamn heart, DeShaun. How we make each other come doesn’t seem that fucking insurmountable.”
He clenches his fists, his breathing deep and ragged. His body sways with an inner turmoil apparent to anyone with eyes.
“For fuck’s sake, D. Please just…believe me. That’s all I ask. Believeme.”
He shivers, squeezing his hands together until finally his cautious eyes find mine. I raise my brows, sending him a soft smile. He swallows and looks down, unable to maintain eye contact.
Still sitting on his tiny ottoman, I hold out my hand. “Tell you what. Let's go to the bedroom, see what we're dealing with, and figure out how to bring each other pleasure. Because I'm not going anywhere, and if you think that you can't have a relationship with me because of whatever's going on, then I just need to prove you wrong."
