Yes. But there’s no way in hell I’d ever let that truth hit oxygen.
“No. I’m telling you, DB—I’mthe one who left. I just…he might still have feelings for me, and I don’t want it to be awkward for him,” I say, almost convinced that it sounds like the truth.
DB’s expression reads pity, which means I still suck at lying. I’m also starting to realize that this meeting was more of a tell than an ask.
“Well, be ready to get awkward. I’m not going to let another kid die because of your shitty dating history. So I’ll ask again—do you think he’d help us?”
Great. Just…great.
Knuckle-bumping the hard surface of the desk, I finally respond. “If he knows enough to talk about it to his superiors, then he already knows enough to consider it legit and actionable. I promise you, it’s killing him not to act on that data. If we are the only ones listening, he’ll talk.”
“Will knowing you’re on the team make him change his mind?”
I wish. Even if he hated me, which I’m sure he does, he’d never let those murders go unaccounted for.
“No. He’s nothing if not ethical. It’ll make him uncomfortable, but he would do it to prevent more deaths.”
DB pops his cane. “That’s what I thought you’d say. Sorry for the awkwardness, truly, but that’s ancient history, and I don’t think there’s any way around it.”
I take a deep breath. No rest for the wicked.
“You’ve got it, boss.”
2
Thane
Holy fuck. I can't believe I just did that. I was supposed to just drop him off. I was gonna drive him to the front of the building and let him out. Easy-peasy.
But then I put my hand on his leg to comfort him, and he went and fell asleep. I’d never seen what he looked like in slumber, and it was the sweetest damn thing. His messy, dark hair against his pretty, pale skin, the way his pink lips sorta fell open…I couldn’t bear the thought of just kicking him out of my car. When I got to the building, I lied, telling myself that I’d just walk him up to his place. Because I'm a good guy.
Damn if that apartment didn't remind me of that little efficiency of his. It had nicer things and was in a much better building, but I felt like I’d been put right back in that space. Like maybe it was a sign. A second chance.
And then his face, with the bruises…I had to touch, to soothe him. And once my hands were on him, it was all over but the crying. Within seconds, touch became desire then desire became need. Like one of those inelastic needs, like drinking water or eating or sleeping. Not a nice-to-have. Not a preference. Aneed. My bones ached with it.
Touching him was as natural as coming home, and I want to keep doing it.
Fuck, that freaks me out.
The phone rings, and it's my father, so I hit Decline, knowing I’ll pay for it later. Today is not the day to deal with whatever bullshit comes out of his mouth. That said, maybe talking to somebodywouldbe a good idea. If nothing else, I've got to get this out of my head. I like my therapist, but I’d rather not wait three weeks to get in.
I think through the different options, including online choices, and dismiss them. One name bubbles up. After going back and forth about it, I decide I’m right.
"Call Hedy,” I tell Siri. She picks up after a couple of rings.
I decide it’s not that weird to call her. DB and I have worked together with Hedy on many occasions, and she’s, among other things, the therapist for the Wimberley team. On top of that, she and I have always gotten along. I bet she’d be really good to talk to.
"Hedy here."
"Hey. It's Thane."
"Thane! Didn't I just see you?"
"Yeah,” I say, willing the guy in front of me to pick a damn lane. “It’s been an eventful few hours."
"Really? Let me put my headphones on.” A door closes in the background and her voice becomes clearer. “I’m in my office now. If you want to talk."
The typical Austin driver in front of me continues to Pac-Man the lane divider, so I give up, slow down, and accept my fate.
