I wrestle open the tin and scoop out the glob of sparkly, non-Newtonian substance. He makes sure that the door is shut and locked, then drops his pants again and, looking at me with a warning, drops his jock as well.
I cover my face with my free hand, but I can't stop how badly my shoulders are shaking.
Oh my god, I’m in tears.
"Nolaughing!"
I give myself another thirty seconds and then take a deep breath, drawing my fingers to a close in front of my chest.Find your center, Ronan. You can do this. You can totally do this.
I look again, and give myself another thirty seconds.
He's not just wearing a cock cage, which would be enough. It's bright-pink with purple crystals dangling from the…undercarriage. Based on the amount of chafing going on, Heath was right. The crystalswerea bad idea.
Pinching off about half of the goop, I gingerly grasp the ring and shove the goop into the keyhole. Carefully—so carefully—I ease the glittery stuff out of the hole. After a couple of false starts, enough of the broken-off key comes out with it that I can grasp the tiny edge with the tips of my fingers and pull it from the mechanism.
“Screwdriver," I say, holding out my hand.
Silently, Roly slaps the screwdriver in my hand, and I insert the narrow tip into the keyhole and turn.
Roly lets out a pained yelp, but the cage releases, and I avert my eyes to prevent further trauma. It’s going to be hard enough trying to erase from my mind the fact that my soon-to-be brother-in-law is a bitcreativewith his manscaping.
Roly lets out a sigh of relief, then quickly pulls up his jock and trousers, putting himself back together in record time.
Finally able to look me in the eye, he says, “Let's never speak of this again."
"Speak of what?" I ask, deciding my brother will be sharing his aged bourbon with me tonight.
“Exactly."
Just as we're walking out of the bedroom, we're confronted with Thane in the hallway.
"What the hell was going on in there?" Thane asks, looking slightly insecure.
I pat his cheek and shake my head. "I couldn't explain it even if I tried."
Roly holds out his hands. "No funny business, even though he did see my cock just now."
"What?" Thane asks, his voice barely below a shout.
I turn and stare daggers at Roly’s head. "Context, Roly. Context might be good here."
“Fine,” he says, rubbing his forehead. "I got stuck in a cock cage,” he says, holding up the offending item.
Thane starts out with a small chortle, then builds to pure, uproarious laughter. Soon enough the rest of the dinner party is made aware of Roly’s predicament, and we crack up until our sides ache. Roly decides he likes being the center of attention and proceeds to tell us that this is not his first incident with a cock cage, along with more details than are totally necessary for a dinner party.
Thankfully, the kids had all gone back outside for that one.
Heath comes back into the living room with his frilly apron on, demanding to know what we thought was so funny, and it sets us off for another several minutes. Roly walks up to his man and runs his fingers through his beard, whispering loud enough for us to hear, “Thanks for taking the heat off me, Sexy Papa Bear.”
“You’re not supposed to call me that in front of other people,” Heath grits out, only adding fuel to the fire.
Roly gives Heath a fake contrite pout. “Sorry, SPB. I forgot.”
Annie takes a hit off her rescue inhaler while I lean over to Thane. “Things I never wanted to know about my brother for two hundred, Alex.”
We finally settle down enough to eat Heath’s famous baked salmon, and it is delicious. We enjoy each other’s company for a few more hours, and my guy drives me home at the end of the evening. He doesn’t stop smiling the whole way home.
18
