Omar
It was as if I set off a depth charge in the car, as if the shock of what I said had a physical effect on his body. Anders’ eyes had been lit up in glee, and he was no doubt looking for an opportunity to drop in the Halloweenincident, but my truth rendered him dark and silent.
I didn’t want to say it, but it’s satisfying, in a way, to let him see what others destroyed. His soft apology lands painfully, reminding me that I didn’t even say the rest of it. He has no clue of the amount of blood on my hands.
I was seventeen when the worst day of my life happened, and now I’m twenty-eight and have never said all of it aloud to another human. I’ve never had a boyfriend or a partner, and it’s hard to imagine what that would even look like.
But stupid Anders Fucking Bash, with his stupid fucking soft, sincere apology, is…the absolute worst.
That he’s more aware, that he’s really trying…that’s the shit that is really getting under my skin, under my walls, hitting that soft spot in me I don’t let anyone get to. Hell, I wasn’t even sure it still existed. I cast about blindly for understanding and come up empty.
For the first time in my life, this solitude I wear like armor feels like a burden. And—this feels so pathetic to say—I wish I had someone to talk to.
I immediately think of Parker. She already knows so much…maybe she would have perspective. I do like that she’s straightforward, and she did say I could text her if he started driving me crazy. I check the time and it’s just after eleven on a Saturday night, so I take a chance.
Omar:Hey—are you up for a chat?
A few seconds later, bubbles appear on my screen.
Parker:Sure thing.
Parker:Me and the girls are just winding up.
Parker:What gives?
Parker:Do you need to get on a call?
Omar:Probably easier, but I’m riding in the car with Anders. Would rather him not hear this.
Parker:Oh, Anders.
Omar:Exactly.
Parker:I’ve got half a bottle of wine and most of my dexterity left. Lay it on me.
Omar:So…
Parker:…
Omar:Anders. Fucking. Bash.
Parker:Say no more.
Parker:Unless that’s what you wanted to talk about?
Omar:Kinda? I’m…ugh. I’m confused.
Omar:By the way, I hate admitting that.
Parker:Anders will do that to you.
Omar:We’re going to need the cone of silence for this one.
Parker:Cone of silence engaged.
I shift in my seat so that my back is to the corner and Anders can’t see any part of my screen.
Omar:I definitely want to kill him.
