His body goes taut with—I don’t know, recognition? I cough and shift my hips away, indicating I’d like to get up. He clears his throat and immediately shifts his weight off me, giving me enough space to roll off the couch and drop unceremoniously to the floor. I’d love to say the humiliation ended there, but, as I attempt to stand, I lose my balance and fall face-first into…frankly, I fall face-first onto his dick.
“Oh,I’mcheating. You’re the one crashing into my business. Talk about a low blow.”
I pop up and make my way into the kitchen to give us a little distance. In the name of keeping things light, I toss out over my shoulder, “Ha, that was my nickname in Basic.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Low blow. Because I’m short. And then blow jobs… You know what? If you have to explain it, the joke has really fallen flat.”
Yeah, I’m really wishing I hadn’t started talking about blow jobs around Everett. My brain has had a whole week to consider his skill level in that area, among so many others, and my assumption is that he’s cataclysmically good.I tug down my T-shirt to cover my thoughts on the matter, but…I may not have succeeded.
His jaw has gone rigid, his lips pressed together in a line. Fuck, I hope I haven’t messed this up. Pretty sure Everett caught my boner in his periphery, so I can’t tell if his reaction is to the joke about blow jobs or to my unruly fucking hard-on.
That’s not at all humiliating.
“You know I didn’t just go around giving out blow jobs during Basic, right? I looked like a thirteen-year-old.Nobodywas coming within a hundred feet of me.”
Everett shakes himself out of whatever was bothering him and gives me a not-quite smile. Honestly, it could’ve been a grimace. “That’s really none of my business.”
I sure as hell would like it tobehis business. Either way, I can’t stop the word vomit. “I’ve actually only ever had two relationships in my life. My high school sweetheart, who was with me all the way through my first deployment, then sent me a weirdly non-specific Dear John letter midway through my second. I was single for a long time before I met Asadi.”
Everett relaxes a bit more now that I’ve steered the conversation away from blow jobs.
Y’all—I can’t remember. Is blow job one word or two? Blowjobs. Blow jobs. Both look weird.
Fuuuuck, why am I still thinking about blow jobs?
Sounds like you need one.
Shut it, Asa.
Everett interrupts my internal nonsense with something that is actually relevant to the topic being discussed. “So, him dying just a couple of years into your relationship probably sucked hardcore.”
We’ve spoken about Asadi before, but never in the context of my love life in total. Probably because it was so pathetic.
I sigh, leaning on the injustice of it like a familiar and comforting bruise. “You have no idea. I can’t believe I endured six years with the gay equivalent of Jimmy Hoffa—the guy literally just up and disappeared with no explanation—to be given only two and a half years with the most amazing man I’ve ever met.”
“I’ve always wondered…” Everett starts, then shakes his head and goes quiet.
“No, no, no. You can’t start a sentence like that and then not finish it. What have you always wondered?”
“Just…logistics. Curious if you and Asadi had a hard time fitting things together, in bed.”
I shake my head, smiling at the memories. “Not really. Mostly because I either liked to ride on top or because the arm of our couch was low enough for him to bend over when I was the one running the show.”
Everett’s eyes widen in surprise, and he pinches his nose, right below his eyebrows, pained. “You know, I think I regret asking that.”
I laugh, feeling a little less out of sorts. “If it makes you feel any better, I wouldn’t have answered that question for anybody else.”
Everett rubs his forehead, trying to decide something. After a pause, he sighs. “In for a penny, in for a pound. What was your first boyfriend like? Size-wise?”
“He was my size.”
There’s a calculation going on behind his eyes I can’t quite figure out.
“So, you don’t just like bigger guys, like Roly?”
“Yeah, I’d really rather you never compare anything I did in bed to Roly. Like, ever.”
