Well, I tell you, I laughed for a good five minutes after he said that, because that man is clearly jonesing for some nuts. Aside from the box full of sex toys that I probably shouldn’t have opened, I’ve seen the way he’s eyed at everyone’s ass today—he’s definitely interested. Not in me, obvs, but Rome wasn’t built in a day.
The cute boy at the bakery had given me a bag with his number on it and a lemon poppy muffin that would be just perfect for Heath, no nuts at all.
I hold out the muffin to him and say, “This has no nuts on it or in it, so enjoy.”
He regards it with disdain. “This came from the same bakery as all of these other ones, correct?”
“Yeah, so?”
“Can’t chance it. I appreciate the thought, but I usually have to bake my own, just to be sure that no nut dust gets on anything.”
I clamp down on my lips.Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh.Nut dust is serious business.
Really. Serious.
I’m proud of myself as I hand him his coffee with a smile on my face, then walk into the living room to see if there is something substantial I can lift. I’m immediately distracted by the three adorable dachshunds on the back porch and am definitely planning a puppy break before the end of the day.
I take a sip and realize with some disdain that it’s a gross black coffee, not the almond latte goodness that usually graces my lips in the morning. I probably switched coffees with Heath, so I go back into the kitchen to find him on his knees, holding his throat, making a horrifying sound, trying desperately to breathe but barely able to inhale at all. Also, his face is lit up like a puffer fish, and the veins around his eyes are bulging.
You see, becausealmondmilk is made withalmonds.
And I’d just given a highly allergic man a lethal dose. As he falls to the floor, more or less unconscious, I remember that he has some kind of emergency medical bag, so I sprint to the living room and open it up, breathing out a sigh of relief when I see the dual EpiPens. I run back into the kitchen, uncap one of the EpiPens, and jam it into his thigh.
All of this running back and forth between the kitchen in the living room has captured the attention of everyone else, and Jake mentions that Heath’s lying in the almond milk, which, again, he’s deathly allergic to. So, we drag him into his en suite bathroom and strip him down, propping him up while showering off the liquid that has caused hives to break out across pretty much every inch of his skin.
Heath’s brother Ronan looks like he’s trying give me a telekinetic brain aneurysm.
So… not making the best impression.
Thankfully, Nick knows to call 911, because it turns out that the EpiPen isn’t a magical cure-all, it’s the thing you do while you’re calling 911 so that the person you’ve accidentally poisoned survives the trip to the hospital. While Heathwascoherent enough to help us get him undressed, he’s not currently coherent enough to help us get himdressed, so, now that the ambulance is here, he’s… how can I put this?
Naked on his bathroom floor.
Again, not ideal.
And my hard-on is completely inappropriate.
One of the EMTs is being kind of an asshat about Heath’s weight, which, as I’ve already discussed, is a sensitive issue for him. Which is mostly my fault. As is the current drama. I’m beginning to sense a pattern.
Anyway, both EMTs are on the smaller side, so Heath also has to be lifted, fully nude, onto the stretcher by all of his friends and me. Thankfully, Jean-Pierre knows where the sheets are and covers him with one before they roll him out to his front yard in front of all of the neighbors.
All of this is to say that I’ve significantly added to the tonnage of how much that man dislikes me, and as you may have guessed, that makes me really fucking anxious. I feel like my skin is about two sizes small when someone doesn’t like me. And if we’re being honest, he doesn’t just dislike me. I’mpretty surehe hates me now. So, I kinda wanna pass out. But that’d be dramatic, and we really need to focus on the guy who almost died on his kitchen floor because I bathed him in almond milk.
Nick leans over and whispers in my ear, “Bear Killer, twelve o’clock.”
“Too soon,primo. Too soon.”
Chapter Three
Roly
One of the last things I heard Heath say before they loaded him onto the ambulance was that someone needed to tell Ashley. I remember his ex-wife from high school, and she didn't like me very much either.
His brother Ronan is on the call with Ashley, and they’re trying to work out who will watch the kids and what to do with Heath’s half-unpacked house. I put my hand on Ronan’s shoulder, and he looks at me like he'd like to rip my arm from my body and beat me with it.
“What?” he asks, snarling at me.
Yep, I deserve that. “My cousin Jules is a certified child care provider. We can take care of the kids while you and the guys take care of the house.”
