“You couldn’t leave well enough alone, could you?” His tone is rough, stressed. Like maybe he thinks I’m going to fire him for being homeless.
Well, if that just doesn’t make me feel like shit.
I open my mouth to say something, but he’s not wrong. While I would never fire someone for being homeless, once I know something isn’t right, I can’t leave well enough alone. But that’s neither here nor there, because I’m not worried about my employee. It’s my boyfriend who is sleeping on the streets, and I can’t fucking bear it.
“No, I couldn’t. Come on, get in the truck.”
He looks at me, looks at his blanket, and gives it to an elderly man on the sidewalk. He’s skittish as he opens the door, and I’m shocked he doesn’t make some flippant remark. Maybe he’s too ashamed right now to hit back at me.
He says nothing as he shuts the door and pulls on his seat belt. He just stares out the window, his jaw ticking as he tangles and untangles his fingers in his lap.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Elijah
We’re sitting in the parking lot of the gym, and I wonder if this is the moment I lose my job. The moment this shitty year picks up where it left off six weeks ago.
“I’m not firing you,” Nick says, holding out his hand. I take it, my insides quaking. He leans in and kisses me softly, then touches his forehead to mine. “I wish I knew why you didn’t tell me.”
I fall mute, unable to explain myself. Thankfully, he seems content to let the matter drop for the moment. He lets go of my hand so that we can get out of the truck, then takes it again as we walk together up the stairs. We sit down on the couch, and he reaches over, pulling me onto his lap, surrounding me in his strong arms. I burrow my head into the crook of his neck, and we sit there in silence, both of us ignoring the conversation that needs to happen.
He runs his hands over me, seeming to know how much I need his reassurance. His touch is warm and solid and healing. I melt a little further into his embrace as his kisses and touches undo me completely. A tear sneaks out of the corner of my eye, and immediately gentle fingers are there to catch it. I’ve never seen him this soft and loving, and the last fraying tether I had on my heart finally gives way to emotion so deep and boundless it feels like the ocean.And is just as terrifying.
We stay like that for a long time, snuggling, exchanging soft kisses, and frequently he rocks me, calming me, rubbing my shoulders, helping them to drop down out of my ears.
Is he even capable of feeling about me the way I feel about him?
As though he can hear my thoughts, he speaks up. “As nice as this is, I think we need to talk.”
I snuggle into his chest for just a moment more, then wordlessly climb out of his lap, sitting next to him on the couch, facing him. Not looking him in the eye—I can’t do that yet.
“Have you been homeless this whole time?” His voice sounds funny.
I nod, eyes on my nervous fingers.
“How long? How long have you been living on the streets?”
“Pretty soon after I got back. Four, five months.”
His posture stiffens. “What happened, if I may ask?”
I scratch the back of my neck, anxious, feeling backed against a wall. “Not sure if I’d be able to get through telling it tonight, honestly. Tomorrow?” I respond, my voice cracking.
He nods, and then something…not goodcrosses his face. This whole time his presence has been warm and kind and understanding, but now he’s withdrawn into the corner of the couch, away from me.
And there it is. The disgust, the recoil.
I knew this would never last.
* * *
Nick
What is so bad that he can’t tell me right now? Does he think I’ll kick him out if he tells the truth? Fuck, what if Roly is right and he’s just not able to go there with me? I am so gone over this guy, and maybe he never really… I don’t know. Everyone treats me like this war hero, or something, but I have done a shit job of protecting the people I love the most, and I have never felt like such afailurein my entire life.
“I’m sorry to put all this on to you. I’ll go.” He stands up quickly, not wanting to meet my eyes.His posture is resigned, like this is what he expected all along.Fuck, that breaks my heart.
I realize that I’ve gone quiet, and for some reason I’m on the other side of the couch now. I reach out and touch hissleeve. “No, don’tgo. Please sit down.Please.”
