“Oh, I know what I saw. Andyes.”
I shake my head again. “Jules, he’s an employee. So…no.”
She rolls her eyes at me. “It’s obvious he likes you, too, dummy.”
I check out Elijah, who looks up at the same moment, seemingly aware of my gaze. He smiles shyly and goes back to helping Benning, as though he doesn’t realize that his little half-smiles make my chest seize up.
Goddammit.Pull yourself together, man.
Jules tugs at my arm. “Dude, stop it. You’re doing that shut-down thing you do when someone gets too close to the truth about you. I don’t know why you don’t want other people to know that you have feelings, but you can’t fool me. I know you far too well.”
“He’s too young, Jules. He’s my young employee, and that sounds all kinds of wrong.”
Jules rolls her eyes, frustrated. “That’s bullshit. He’s a fully grown adult, Nick. And him being an employee is only a problem if you are leveraging blow jobs for his continued employment. Which is not something you would ever do, brother.”
Why don’t these people get it? “I just… I need order in my life, Jules, and pursuing something with him would un-order me, big-time. And… I just can’t do that right now.”
“Well, at least you aren’t denying that you feel something for him. I’m going to take that as progress,” she says, bumping into me.
“Even if I don’t want to feel this way?”
“Even then, big brother. One of these days you’ll realize you deserve the love you have in front of you, and that what happened in Afghanistan changes none of that,” she says, thumping the metal on my prosthetic.
Sigh. My family thinks that losing my leg sent me into myself. Hell, I’d give the other away if I could’ve stopped what happened to Roly. After the building fell, he stayed by my side and made sure that the unit knew I was trapped, leaving him open to capture and three days of a hell I can’t imagine. It’s a heavy weight, and I carry it because it’s my penance. I don’t deserve the family I have, or the success of this gym, and certainly not the affections of a guy who’d willingly put himself between my sister and danger, not even knowing her. Yeah, no. I’m the opposite of him in every possible way.
“You’re doing it again, broseph. You don’t need to be a fucking martyr. Nobody is asking you to do that. Not Roly, not Aunt Linda, not your squad. Not the people who know what happened.”
I turn to her, my eyes burning. “But that’s the thing. Nobody knows what happened. Roly won’t say, and when I push, he gets upset and walks away. And I have to live with that.”
“No,” she insists, pulling me to her side. “You don’t. You really fucking don’t.”
I sigh. She’ll never understand.
Chapter Ten
Elijah
Tonight I actually got to join Jake’s yoga class as a participant, and it was great. Actually, it was harder than I thought it would be, and while I’m super disappointed that I didn’t manage to get my ankles behind my ears, I do feel calmer and more centered. My living situation just got a little more stressful, and it’s still going to be a couple of paychecks before I can find a better place, so being able to find some chill was really helpful.
As Jake and I begin picking up the yoga mats, Scout and Evie walk in, hand in hand, and they are joined by the guy who has to be Jake’s brother. Spence, or something. Fuck, he’s hot. Where Jake is ethereal and beautiful and dark, his brother is tan and buff and… fucking hearty. A small woman with pretty brunette hair walks in with two gorgeous children, and he looks at her with the familiar affection of a happily married couple. Jake glances over at them, adjusting his scarf just so, and his expression makes me wonder if he and I share the same longing ache for family. Not in a jealous way, exactly, but in a way that reminds you of the hole in your chest, in your life. Evie goes up to Jake and gives him a big-sister hug, and he wraps an arm around her as they catch up on the day. Just as I’m wondering if I’m not being a bit of a stalker by watching them, Scout comes up to me and slings her long arm around my shoulder.
“How are you doing, Scout?” I ask of my new friend Scout Martinez, who, just in case you didn’t know, is one of the best WNBA players the league has ever seen. Yeah, that’s right. That’s my friend. Also boss, so maybe I should act like I’ve been here before.
“Nick tells me you stepped in when some asshole was giving Jules a hard time. I really appreciate that, because she’s not as big as me and Nick are, and sometimes people pick on her.”
“Really, it was nothing. Honestly, I think we got lucky with timing. I’m not sure he would have backed down if Nick hadn’t shown up at that exact moment. It’s entirely possible that I would have ended up on my ass with a broken face.”
Scout wrinkles her nose and shakes her head. “Nice try. From what I hear, you came running in without your shoes and put yourself between Jules and someone who likely would have hurt her. Jules said that you were willing—and able—to take the guy down.”
I give her a small, self-deprecating shrug, but she’s absolutely right. I would have put that motherfucker on his ass. “Not a fan of some towering asshole thinking they can push smaller people around, not in my gym. When I was in the Army, some units were notoriously dangerous for anyone not six foot tall and ripped. Women especially.” I sigh, thinking about the number of times I’d stopped an assault… and the number of times I witnessed the aftermath. “I really hate people sometimes.”
She tightens her arm around me, and honestly, it feels so damned good. “You and me both. But you did the right thing, and you made her feel safe. She won’t say anything, but I believe that’s the guy who’s been giving her shit for a while now.”
I pull away from the hug to look at her incredulously. “But… her brother owns the gym. Like, if getting out of being bullied isn’t a perk, then what is?”
“I don’t know. It’s as if she doesn’t want to take up any space at all. She doesn’t want to inconvenience us with the fact that she’s trans, even if it means that people are treating her like shit.”
That I actually understand. “We’re all made to think that if we can’t operate with our default factory settings, then we’re just a burden on everyone else. Meanwhile, I like to think that our loved ones would absolutely take care of us, if they only knew what was going on.” I know that my aunt would have done anything and everything to avoid the shit that’s gone down with my mother this last year.
