Eventually, Cole stood up and raised his voice to address the entire team. “Listen up! Everyone needs to relax. I ate a peanut butter cookie and had an allergic reaction. That’s all. Nobody else needs to freak out. None of us are in any danger. So let’s get home, rest up, and then regroup for the next game. Because we’re still leading our division, and we should fuckingact like it, eh?”
There were a few shouts of agreement, but not enough to raise any spirits.
Cole and Rhett came home with me that night, and I lost myself in the mindless drive of their bodies. The release was exactly what I needed—and what they needed, too.
But as the three of us fell asleep together in my bed, I stared at the back of Cole’s neck and wondered if he was hiding something from me.
Coach gave everyone the next day off from practice, but I still went to the arena after lunch to meet Elias for our secretworkouts. He was already there when I arrived, lightly spinning on one of the exercise bikes.
“June,” he said in a deep rumble, immediately leaving the bike when he saw me. “The road trip. When I was… uh…”
“It’s fine,” I replied with a smile. “Don’t worry about it. Finish up your warm-up on the bike and then meet me in the squat rack.”
There was a strange tension between us now, and it bothered me. I had finally gotten through to Elias, had made him comfortable around me. Now it felt like we were back to square one. And if we were back where we started, it would make it difficult for me to do my job.
Elias was adding plates to the barbell in the squat rack when I joined him. He glanced over at me, then stared at the ground.
For a little while, we went through the exercises on my rehab sheet. Elias was quiet for most of it, and I didn’t feel like breaking the silence. I watched his form to ensure he was doing everything properly, and that was it.
But when we switched from squats to bench press, he turned to face me again with determination on his face. “June. I must explain what happened in Ottawa.”
“There’s nothing to explain. You snuck out, got drunk, and then Coach Jay benched you during the next game because you were hungover. Let’s focus on bench press. Three sets of eight.”
I tried turning away, but he grabbed my arm to stop me.
“No,” he insisted. “Please,listen.”
I stared at his fingers on my arm, strong and gentle at the same time. Finally, I nodded.
“I am from Örebro. A town in the middle of Sweden,” he said, his accent adding an exotic flair to every word. “My familywas close. My parents, and my sister. I went to university in Stockholm, a long drive from Örebro. But my family came to watch me play in every game. One night, my father drank too much during the game. I told him he should not drive, that he should allow my mother to do so, but he did not listen. He was a large man, and I was afraid of standing up to him, so I said nothing more.”
I felt myself tensing. I knew what was coming, the only direction a story like this could go.
“They crashed a kilometer from home.” Elias’s face became blank. “They almost made it, but the roads are sharp, and slick. All three perished.”
“Elias…”
He held out a palm to stop me. I could tell he wanted to get through this, that it was already a massive vulnerability to reveal this to me.
“I hide my feelings all year. I bottle them away. I am told it is calledcompartmentalizing.” He sounded out the English word slowly. “And one time per year, on the anniversary of their death, I allow myself to get drunk and confront my feelings. I get it all out in one night. Coach Jay and I have an… understanding. Usually, the anniversary is while we are at home. But this time… a road trip.”
He shrugged.
“I’m so sorry,” I said when he was done. “I had no idea.”
“I do not tell anyone,” he said. “Only Coach.”
“But…” I cleared my throat. I didn’t know how much I could ask him about the whole thing. “When I saw you in the stairwell, you weren’t grieving. You seemedhappy.”
“I was happy,” he agreed. “Sometimes I am overwhelmed with grief. Other times I am happy because I know they would be proud of me. Of what I have built. This time was a happy time. And I was happy to see you. You are… a nice woman.”
I couldn’t stand there any longer without giving him a hug, so I threw my arms around him. He held me close, my face pressed against the thin fabric of his tank top. I didn’t care that he was a little sweaty, and he wasn’t self-conscious.
The hug went on a long time. And when he pulled away, there was that same glimmer in his eyes…
I don’t know what came over me, but I leaned up to kiss him. At the last minute, I realized what I was doing and moved my head to the side, kissing him on the cheek through his beard instead. He blinked in surprise, then let go of me.
“We should return to the exercises,” I said, feeling my cheeks redden. “Bench press. Three sets of eight.”
