Amris brushed water from his face and ran a hand through his hair to push it back. He kept silent, not wanting to rush her.
“Gerant and I were talking.” She was withdrawing her sword, still in its sheath, as she spoke. “This morning. Had some time alone.”
I’ll handle the rest.Gerant spoke too quickly for Amris to get much sense of his emotions.
Set against the background of Thyran’s invasion, being nervous about what Gerant might have deduced and how he might react left Amris more than a touch abashed. That didn’t make him any calmer. Facing Thyran again had been endurable because Gerant was with him too. If that was about to change—
He took the sword automatically as Darya handed it over. “I’ll be mending armor in my room after dinner,” she said, and swallowed. “If you want to talk. After.”
Without another word, she turned on her heel and left.
Amris watched her, bracing himself for whatever Gerant had to say.
You are both—the words came in a tone of far more teasing affection than he ever could have hoped for—the most idiotic creatures I’ve ever met, particularly for your advanced age.
* * *
All the gods be praised, Amris had a free hour. “How do you mean?” he asked under his breath, making his way quickly toward his room.
I mean,Gerant replied,that I don’t need eyes to see that the two of you want each other. And I’m under the impression that you’ve refrained from acting on it, so far, for my sake.
“Ah,” said Amris. He would have elaborated, had he not been on the stairs. In truth, he knew not exactly which of several possible responses he’d have chosen, so there might have been good fortune in his enforced silence.
Gerant certainly seemed to think so, for he went on, with a tone of voice that, in life, had always accompanied an elaborate roll of his blue eyes.Very chivalrous, I assure you. Very loyal. Top marks for both qualities. But I have no body, in case you haven’t noticed, and as Emeth observed, you’re in remarkable form for a man who’s seen more than a century. Did you truly think I expected you to live the next forty years as a eunuch?
“There’s no certainty that I’ll live forty years more,” Amris muttered as he hurried down the hall, “and I could at least choose a less… Well, a person you didn’t know so well. One you weren’t linked to, at minimum.”
The room was blessedly empty, Olvir being off at his own duties. Amris made it to his bed and then let his knees give out as Gerant went on, tender now rather than hectoring.
But it would be worse that way, I think, for me to be so cut off from a part of your life. Not that I would be present, necessarily,he added as Amris lifted his eyebrows.I’ve been accustomed to depart when my bearers take lovers, among other things. Still, if it were you and her, it would be two people I care about. Two whom I love, each in your own fashion. I’d be part of both of your lives.
Amris blinked down at his hands. Mechanically, he began to strip off his armor. He was likely overheated, in addition to everything else.
I’m not saying I would’ve suggested it on my own. Matchmaking never had any appeal for me.
“So I recall,” said Amris, with a hoarse laugh. “I can’t promise we would remain lovers, you know, even if we became so involved.”
Gods, I wouldn’t want you to promise anything—not on the strength of a week’s acquaintance, even such an eventful week. That kind of promise is asking for trouble at the best of times. But I know you both. If you part, you’ll part as adults, and if nothing else, that’ll be far better than having the two of you walking around like storm clouds of thwarted passion.
“That’s quite a turn of phrase.”
Katrine reads bad poetry aloud.
Without the armor, with his neck and arms exposed to the air and the rest of him covered only by a thin tunic, Amris felt invisible iron bands loosen from around his chest—or perhaps that was the conversation.
“You… Truly, it won’t hurt you?”
No,said Gerant. As before, he sounded kind and loving, but there was a distance in his voice now that there hadn’t been before. It wasn’t unspoken pain—Amris knew the sound of that—but a fundamental difference between the spirit and the cheerful young scholar who’d been his lover. Between the spirit, perhaps, and any mortal.Once… I don’t know any longer what I might have felt, once. But I had my life, beloved. It was a good life, despite everything. I loved some wonderful people, and I did a few things I’m proud of.
“Thank you,” Amris said, his throat sore. “You mean you’re content?”
In part. In part, I mean that life is over for me.Livingis over for me. I love you, I’ll always love you, but—Living, Gerant would have thrown up his hands then.It’s not being uninterested in the physical, or not wanting a companion, not the way a living man might be.
Amris nodded. He’d known a few such people in his time. “Then—”
I’m further away, even when I’m with you or her, even when I’m observing, and not only because of the vessel. I can’t see the future, but a part of me is always in it. It—He sighed.It doesn’t go into words. I promise, I’m not hurt, nor will I be.Gerant paused.And though I hate to think it, you’re right. You may not have forty more years. Nor might she.
“You counsel decisive action?”
