“I get it, though,” Dmitri insisted. “You can’t lose your son. Nothing is as important as he is.”
“Maybe. But it’s up to me to fightformy son, not justagainsthis mother.”
It was true, Andre realized with shock. In speaking the words, he felt as though he’d finally taken some control of his situation, or at least of his own perception of it. He’d hidden inthe shadows, hoping things would stay the same if he didn’t rock the boat, and all he’d accomplished in the process was to almost lose the one person who would have understood the best.
Well, to hell with keeping secrets, at least from Dmitri. “I found out why Sibila is being such a bitch about the adoption issue. She hasn’t been able to get pregnant again, and I think she’s got it in her mind that if she can’t give Derek a child, he’ll leave her. So her solution is to give himmyson, no matter what I think about it or what’s actually best for Miguel.”
Dmitri’s eyes went wide, and he stared at Andre in shock. Andre wasn’t certain if it was because of what he’d revealed or that he’d shared something so deeply personal without being forced into it. Which probably said too much about what a miserable friend he’d been to Dmitri, not trusting him with the things that really mattered.
Then Dmitri’s expression morphed into consideration. “So it really has nothing to do with you, per se? It’s her feelings she’s struggling with. She feels guilt and an inadequacy that she’s projecting straight onto you.”
Andre blinked in surprise. “I hadn’t thought of it that way. But it makes sense.”
Dmitri flushed. “Projection isn’t unique to Sibila.”
“No, I suppose it isn’t.” Andre looked down at his hands. “But I’m still not sure what to do. Understanding why she’s doing it doesn’t mean I’m going to back away just because it’s what she wants. Her husband is trying to get her to take a step back, but I don’t know if he’ll manage it. I’d prefer it that way, since I don’t want Miguel to feel that he’s being torn between his mother and me. I don’t want this to have to go to court, but I’m determined that if it does, I’ll do everything in my power to protect Miguelandmyself.”
To his surprise, Dmitri smiled. “It sounds as if youdoknow what to do. Maybe you have left the ball in her court at themoment, but that makes sense, because you aren’t the one with a problem. You don’t want to put Miguel through unnecessary pain, and that’s what a good father does. You said you think Sibila is a good mother, right? I hope that means she’ll come to see things the same way. She may want something very much for whatever reason, but if she really loves her son, she’ll put his needs and feelings first.”
Dmitri was able to bring things into focus so easily that Andre felt like an idiot for how long he’d tried to keep things to himself, thinking he could deal with everything on his own. If he’d trusted Dmitri from the start, shared his problems and let Dmitri help, maybe things wouldn’t have ever reached this point. But mistakes were always clearer in hindsight, he knew, so he decided not to beat himself up too much in this particular instance. There were enough other things making him doubt himself, and there was no way to change the past. He could, however, try to do better in the future.
“Thanks,” he said, returning Dmitri’s smile. “I don’t know why you’re helping me after what happened, but I really appreciate it.”
“Because, before everything else, we’re friends, right?” Dmitri looked at him closely. “I’ve missed you, Dre. If we can’t have more, and if you’re willing, I’d at least like to get back what we had.”
“I’d like that,” Andre felt his throat tightening. “I’ve missed you, too.”
They smiled at one another, and for the first time in weeks, Andre felt hope. He had his best friend back, and suddenly the world seemed a whole lot brighter.
CHAPTER 11
“Next stop, Black Rock City!” Kit whooped as the band bus pulled out of the parking lot in Salt Lake.
The wide grin on Kit’s face would make anyone think that Rocktoberfest was his favorite concert on the planet. While it was beyond a doubt the most unique and exciting event the F-Holes would play, Dmitri knew that the venue was also where Kit and Luka had gotten together the previous year, and he had a feeling his bandmate was looking forward as much to celebrating a certain anniversary as playing on the stage.
“Now, will you try totopwhat happened last year?” Dmitri asked, his eyes wide and his tone innocent. Andre, sitting across from him at the dinette, snickered.
“That’s the plan,” Kit said smugly, and then he leered at Luka. His husband only rolled his eyes, but Dmitri caught the heated gleam in Luka’s glance.
“Sheesh, how juvenile can you get?” Kris teased. She reached out to grasp Jo’s hand and squeeze it. “Men.”
“Hey, I resemble that!” Dmitri shot back good-naturedly.
“It’s okay,” Jo said, tossing a grin over her shoulder at the four guys. “We’ll keep you around, not for your lowbrow humor,of course, but for your ability to get things off high shelves. Well, except Dmitri. Whydowe keep you around again?”
Sticking his nose in the air, Dmitri sniffed. “Because I’m still the cutest member of the band. Of course, Iusedto be the only blue-eyed blond pretty boy, too, and I will hold it against you until your dying day, Kit Davies!”
Everyone chuckled, which sounded like music to Dmitri. Once the weeks of discomfort between him and Andre had finally ended in New York, he had been dismayed to discover how much strain the tension between them had caused their bandmates. No one had complained or even said anything — other than Luka — but once he’d gotten his head out of his own ass, he’d noticed the lack of teasing and joking that had been part of the band dynamic since the beginning. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed the easy camaraderie and laughter until it was, mercifully, back.
Andre seemed far happier, too. He’d admitted to Dmitri in the times they’d been alone over the last week that Derek was really a godsend. Derek apparently stepped in to handle most of the interactions with Andre, which kept the tension on that front down and didn’t provide Sibila with any opportunity to continue her push about adoption. Andre had slowly revealed more of the things he’d been going through, his doubts about his worth as a parent and his guilt for the things in Miguel’s life he had missed, and Dmitri had done what he could to bolster him on that score.
“It’s not like this is some ‘Cat’s in the Cradle’ scenario,” Dmitri had assured him. “There are plenty of fathers who have to travel for work, and their kids turn out fine. Think of guys in the military on long deployments. Spending time with him is important, sure, but it’s emotional closeness that matters the most. The tour won’t last forever, then you’ll be back with him, and in the meantime, you just have to make sure he knows you love him.”
He’d also learned that Andre had come from a broken home, and it gave Dmitri clear insight into why Andre put so much pressure on himself to be some kind of super dad. So he tried to be as encouraging as he could, and had even mentioned to Andre that he might benefit from finding a therapist. That was a role Dmitri, while qualified, wasn’t willing to step into. He was too emotionally involved with Andre to be objective about certain parts of his situation. Which was probably for the best, considering that a small, shameful part of him would have happily done Andre’s ex a mischief.
As happy as he was for the return of normality, there was a part of Dmitri that still yearned for more between them. Memories of the kiss they’d shared and the explosive potential it had revealed still haunted him. But the desire had become more of a wistful yearning that he pushed away when it arose. Maybe, someday, if things with Sibila were finally settled, Andre would feel ready to explore what they could share. In the meantime, Dmitri would simply have to be content that the yearning for connection had faded back to a level he could manage.
Ten hours later, the bus was pulling up to the chaotic mass of RVs, tents, and temporary buildings that was Black Rock City, the site of one of the largest annual music festivals in the country.
