“It’s okay,” Finn said, heartened anew by Joe’s use of the plural. “I don’t blame you. For anything,” he added with a pointed look. “I know you would’ve stayed if I’d asked you to, but you would’ve been miserable, too. You felt like you needed to go after these guys. I get it. I’m just glad Drew was there for you since I couldn’t be.”
“I’m sorry that any of this happened at all.” Joe sighed, again. “But it’s over now. Really over, I promise. We’re all safe. And I’m telling Herc I’m done with undercover assignments. Not that I think he’ll try to talk me out of it, but I can’t do this anymore.”
Finn felt as if a huge weight he hadn’t been aware he was carrying had been lifted. “Thank God!” He blurted out the words before he could think better of it.
Drew laughed. “Thank God, indeed. I’m getting too old to be running after stubborn young’uns all the time.”
Joe smiled ruefully. “You kept up all right, old man,” he said to Drew. “But I never want danger to follow me home again.” He looked at Finn, and his smile faded. “I could have lost you, and that would have killed me, too.”
“But you didn’t.” Finn curled his fingers around Joe’s and squeezed gently. He watched Joe in silence, thinking about things Drew had mentioned in recent texts and calls. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I wasn’t there when you needed me after that first mission. Instead, I made things worse. I have a lot of regrets about that.”
“It’s not your fault.” Joe shifted slightly so that he faced Finn more directly, and he returned the pressure of Finn’s fingers. “You didn’t know. You couldn’t have. I didn’t even know how much it was going to affect me, or I wouldn’t have gone in the first place. It just happened, okay?” Joe drew in a breath. “Besides, it’s not like I was honest with you about how I felt about you. Maybe that would have changed things. Maybe not, but it’s not like you had any reason to think I’d feel so… jealous.”
Finn gazed down at their joined hands and rubbed the back of Joe’s with his thumb. Joe’s absolution helped, but he still felt remorse over not providing the support Joe had needed. “We both have to try to communicate better, but I think we’ve learned from it. I have, at least. I know you’re still having a rough time, and I’m going to help you get through it. I promise.”
“Thanks. That means a lot,” Joe said quietly. He looked past Finn at Drew and smiled crookedly. “Speaking of communicating better, I guess that’s our cue?”
“Sounds reasonable.” Drew gave a little huff of amusement. “Do you want to tell him, or should I?”
“Tell me what?” Finn looked back and forth between them, a little flutter of hope in his belly. He didn’t want to hurt either of them, and he didn’t want to go back to feeling torn and guilty about loving both of them, either.
“I guess I should start.” Joe looked back at Finn, his expression growing serious. “I’m going to be completely honest here. I know I’m still messed up, and I’m going to need to get some therapy to help me get past the issues I still have. Things that have been around since I was a kid and led to all the stuff that messed me up when I went to Pakistan on that first mission. Drew… well, he helped me put a lot of things in perspective. He’s been there for me, and it’s changed the way I look at things between the three of us. Before you were kidnapped, I was seriously thinking about leaving, letting the two of you be together and just… going away. I’m not saying that to hurt you, but I just want you to understand where my head was.”
“Do you still feel that way?” Finn asked, tightening his grip on Joe’s hand. “I know we have different perspectives on love, but I do love you, and I don’t want to lose you.”
“Like I said, my viewpoint has changed a bit,” Joe replied. “Drew has been a rock, which I didn’t expect, to be honest, and I’ve come to trust him. We talked a lot.”
“We did.” Drew agreed. “I could understand a lot of what he was going through, because of what I went through when Stack died. I could see how much he was hurting.”
Finn offered Drew a grateful smile. “I’m glad you were there,” he said, and then he turned back to Joe. “And I’m glad you let him be there.”
“I almost didn’t let him, but… he’s a persistent bastard.” Joe shook his head. “He’s helped me get past the first hurdle or two in dealing with my issues. But….” He looked at Drew again. “I think this part is on you.”
Drew rolled his eyes. “I keep telling you, you don’t have to worry about it. Finn, what Joe is being so cagey about is that I’ve come to feel that he really isourdumbass. God knows why, but I’ve fallen for the big lug.”
“There’s just something about him,” Finn said, unable to hold back a wide smile. “What can you do, right?” He gave an exaggerated shrug.
“Yeah, well, he pressed all my buttons,” Drew grumbled, but there was a gleam of amusement in his eyes. “Go on, Joe, tell him the rest.”
“I needed Drew, and he was there,” Joe admitted. “We slept together.”
“Wait….” Finn closed his eyes as he tried to process what he’d just heard. Given Joe’s perspective on love and sex, Finn never dreamed Joe might have actually slept with Drew already. “My mind is officially blown,” he said as he opened his eyes so he could stare at Joe. “Does that mean you’ve fallen for him, too?Pleasedon’t tell me you’re wallowing in guilt over it, because I’ll kick your ass if you are, cast or no cast.”
Joe looked a little uncomfortable. “I can’t honestly say I’m in love with him, no. But I do care about him. He’s not… he’s not what I thought he would be. It took me a long time to really accept that he wasn’t trying to come between us, and that he really does love you.”
“I’m not entirely sure he’s completely accepted that I lovehim, too,” Drew said, looking at Finn. “We’re going to have to work on him, you and I. I think he’s only accepted that you love him because you’ve been there for him for so many years. But I’m going to do my best to convince him he deserves to be loved.”
“He does.” Finn nodded and swallowed hard, scarcely able to believe Joe and Drew had come so far. He didn’t want to celebrate prematurely, but he finally had some hope for a future that wasn’t divided and compartmentalized. “We’ll prove it to him,” he added, no longer feeling reticent about reaching for Drew’s hand as well and squeezing it tight.
Drew squeezed back. “We will. See, Joe? I told you it would be okay. He was worried you’d be hurt, Finn. Not about us sleeping together, but about me loving him and him caring about me.”
“Yeah, well….” Joe shrugged uncomfortably. “I guess I’ve got a sort of blind spot when it comes to Finn. But there are a couple of other things we need to discuss. All three of us.”
“Whatever you want to talk about, I’m open,” Finn said, trying not to sound overeager. The last thing he wanted to do was make Joe feel rushed or pressured into something he wasn’t ready for. “We’ll go at your pace. You know that, right?”
“I know.” This time Joe nodded. “Drew and I talked on the plane home. If you want, we’re willing to work out a way for the three of us to be together. Maybe share a house or apartment, something where we can each have our own space if we want. Everything will be out in the open, so there are no misunderstandings. If we’re all honest with each other about things, even about feelings like jealousy or neglect, then we might can make it work. Are you interested in that?”
“Yes!” The word burst out of Finn, verging on an excited shout, and he squeezed Joe and Drew’s hands hard and tight. “Yes, I’m interested. I love you both so much, and if the three of us could be together….” His voice caught in his throat, and his eyes stung as he looked back and forth between them with a watery smile. “It would be a dream come true.”
