“We’ve got a long flight to figure it out.” Drew sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, facing Joe directly. “Meanwhile, don’t think I haven’t noticed you deflecting any personal stuff like you’re Neo inThe Matrix.”
Joe sat down on his bed. “Yeah, so? Don’t I have a right to privacy?”
“Sure, you do,” Drew said, spreading his hands. “But you’re saying you don’t know me while avoiding getting to know me, or letting me get to know you. I’m aware you’d be thrilled if a sinkhole opened up right here and took me under, but until something happens, you and I are connected through Finn. I don’t see any need to be at odds, if only to keep from stressing him out.”
Joe scowled. “Look, you keep making me out to be the villain here, you know that? I told you, I accept you for Finn’s sake. I even trust that you aren’t going to knife me in the back to get rid ofme. So stop saying I want something bad to happen to you, like I’m some evil piece of shit. Sounds like you don’t trust me, after you making such a big deal about me being able to trust you!”
“I don’t think you’re evil or a villain,” Drew said. “I think you’ve got a lot of thick walls up, and that’s not healthy.” He paused and studied Joe, wondering how much he could nudge. “I’m sorry about what I said earlier, by the way. It looked like I hit a nerve, and I didn’t mean to.”
“So being a private person isn’t healthy? Not wanting to divulge my life story to someone just because they want it is bad?” Joe shook his head, obviously agitated. “Why would I tell you a damned thing when every other word out of your mouth is you ‘knowing’ that I want you dead? Why would I give you that power over me?”
“I don’t think you want me dead.” Drew leaned back on his hands and watched Joe intently. “I think you wish Finn and I had never met. That Finn didn’t love me and I didn’t love him. That I’d break up with him, or he’d break up with me. I think you want things to be like they used to be because it was easier dealing with Finn having occasional hookups than it is to deal with sharing. But I don’t think you wish me anyrealharm.”
“I don’t waste time wishing for something that won’t happen,” Joe stated flatly. “I learned a long time ago that action is the only thing that causes change. Finn’s happiness matters more to me than my own, and it’s not like he would have suddenly discovered monogamy was his thing, whether you had showed up or not. So don’t think I’m spending any time worrying about it, because I’ve accepted that you’re here to stay. I’ve accepted that I have less time with Finn because of it. I’ve accepted that you somehow make him happy, and that apparently you give him something I don’t. Sounds like you’re the one obsessing, Martin, not me.”
Drew mulled over Joe’s response, not entirely sure he believed every word of it. Joe was talking a good game, and maybe he thought he’d accepted the situation, but acceptance on an emotional level could be a whole different thing. Or maybe Joe meant every word and something else was eating at him. Finn suspected as much, and Drew was starting to as well.
“Great!” he said, and he beamed at Joe, deciding to take a different tactic. “If that’s the case, maybe we can get to know each other better. I mean, if you and I get along well, maybe end up friends, we could spend time with Finn together. Hell, I wouldn’t mind if we became more than friends, and I’m pretty sure Finn wouldn’t have any objections, either.”
Joe’s mouth dropped open, and there was obvious shock written on his face. After a moment he shook his head. “Quit being an asshole, Martin. You don’t want me, and I don’t want you. You think that just because you’re fucking Finn, it means I’m going to drop into bed with you? Just because I’ve accepted the situation, it doesn’t mean I suddenly want us to hook up. In this case, I don’t give a fuck what Finn wants. Who I sleep with ismychoice.”
“Absolutely,” Drew agreed with a firm nod. “Neither Finn nor I would ever want you to feel coerced but don’t make assumptions about what I do or don’t want. You’re smart and hot, and we’ve probably got enough in common to get along. I’d fuck you with or without Finn in the same bed. He’d probably at least want to watch, though.”
“God.” Joe ran a hand through his hair again, mussing the short strands. “That’s… wrong. On so many levels. For you to actually say that you believe I wish you’d disappear in one breath and then say you want to sleep with me in the next? Even taking Finn out of the picture, sex isn’t casual to me, not the way it is to you and Finn. And before you get on your high horse again, that’s not a judgement. You said you wanted to know me? Fine. Know this. I have to have an emotional connection to someone before I’d ever consider going to bed with them, and polite antagonism isn’t the right connection. And for the record? I haven’t slept with anyone but Finn since we got together eight years ago.”
“I admire your loyalty,” Drew said. “And I don’t just mean sexually. It seems to be one of your core values.”
“Yeah, well, it’s just who I am.” Joe shrugged. “And Finn is all I’ve wanted or needed. We’ve been through a lot of shit together. Maybe I don’t love easily, but I damn sure love forever.”
A little pang shot through Drew, and for a moment, he envied Finn. He’d never had anyone love him so deeply and fiercely as Joe loved Finn. “He’s a lucky man,” he said softly.
Joe’s brows shot up. “I think I’m the lucky one that Finn loves me. He’s the only one who ever made me believe I was worth loving.”
Drew tried not to let the surprise he felt at Joe’s admission show on his face, but he wasn’t sure how well he masked it. He’d never guessed Joe harbored a deep-seated insecurity, given how confident he seemed. Maybe that had something to do with Joe’s reaction earlier when Drew called him a brat.
“Then you must have known a lot of dumbasses,” he said, gazing at Joe steadily. “You’re definitely worth loving.”
“You don’t know that.” Joe turned his face away. “You don’t know me. You don’t have any reason to even like me. You seem to think I’m immature and selfish and closed off.”
“I also think you’re loyal, brave, and a good leader who knows how to focus and get shit done,” Drew said. “You’re a good man, and anyone who doesn’t think you’re worth loving is a dumbass.”
Rather than appearing flattered, Joe’s expression seemed troubled. “How can you think I’m a good man when you think I’m selfish and immature? I’m starting to wonder what your game is here.”
“I said I think you wish things would go back to the way they used to be,” Drew said, still watching Joe closely. Joe seemed to be stuck in an either-or mindset, which could be due to jealousy, or a sign of whatever deeper issue Joe was wrestling with. “I didn’t say that’s selfish. It’s understandable, given the upheaval your relationship with Finn has gone through lately. Being upset over a huge, unexpected change doesn’t make you a bad person.”
“No, you think it makes me a dumbass.” Joe sighed, closing his eyes and laying back against the pillows. “You insult me one minute, flatter me the next, say you would sleep with me when you don’t even seem to like me. I don’t know you, and I sure as hell don’t understand you, Martin. Just talking to you makes me dizzy.”
“Well, maybe it wouldn’t if you’d stop looking at everything as a binary issue,” Drew pointed out. “Just because I recognize your flaws doesn’t mean I can’t recognize your virtues as well. Besides, you keep putting words in my mouth. I didn’t call you selfish, and I didn’t say being upset makes you a dumbass. I did call you a brat, which was out of line, and I meant my apology.”
“Sure. Whatever.” Joe kept his eyes closed. “I only have your words to go by, so yeah, everything seems pretty binary to me. You keep pushing me to give you more than I’m comfortable with and then tell me it’s my fault for having walls. You don’t know my life, don’t know what I’ve been through, and I really doubt that you care. Maybe this is your way of trying to get me to accept you and Finn, but I told you, I’ve accepted it. I can’t change it, and if you make Finn happy, fine. But if you ever hurt him, Martin, you won’t think I’m a good man anymore. You’ll think I’m your worst fucking nightmare.”
“Noted.” Drew stretched out on the bed again and reached for his book. He’d gotten about as far as he was going to with Joe for now, and pushing harder would only make Joe barricade the walls even more than they already were.
Baby steps, he reminded himself. He could get through to Joe eventually. He just hoped he succeeded before whatever was eating at Joe caused him to blow up or burn out.
