Just like that, Rhys felt small again. She was right: he was so eager to avoid his parents’ encouragement to allow himself to heal that he hadn’t thought about the possible fallout from his fake relationship plan.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to hurt you or Dad or Thomas. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.” He paused, then added, “Well, I don’t really care if Scott got hurt.”
Viv made a disparaging noise and scowled at the mention of Scott. “I can’t fault you for that. Marion and I aren’t speaking now because I told her Scott wasn’t welcome at my house anymore. I could overlook the first time because he was so young, and I thought it was a result of his immaturity. But he has no such excuse this time, so I’m done.”
Rhys cast a startled glance at her, his eyebrows climbing. Given how much importance his parents placed on family ties, he never imagined Viv would go so far as to cut Scott out for good.
“You mean it?” he asked.
“Of course I do.” The look she gave him said she couldn’t believe he’d asked such a foolish question. “Once is a mistake. Twice is a pattern. I’m not going to put up with someone treating you or your partner — real or not — with such disrespect.”
“Thanks,” he said, offering a hesitant smile, and she reached over to clasp his hand.
“You’re my boy, and I love you,” she said, squeezing his fingers tight. “Now then. Will you tell me what happened?”
Rhys sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly, unsure of what to say. “I just told you why I asked him to pretend to be my boyfriend.”
“Yes, but that doesn’t explain why you spent all that time trying to make us think you two were together only to push him off on Scott and then cut bait and run,” she said, peering at him over the top of her glasses. “Did something happen to scare you off?”
Rhys hated to admit the truth, but she probably knew most of it from Thomas. Still, the idea of saying it aloud himself was difficult.
“I was starting to consider the possibility of us having a real relationship,” he said at last. “We’ve been friends for a while, we’ve got a lot in common, and the time we spent together here showed we had some chemistry too.” He thought about the drunken kisses in the hotel room and the intimacy they’d shared the next morning. He’d never imagined he could form a bond with someone just by combing their hair.
“That sounds promising,” Viv said, giving him an encouraging nod. “But obviously something went wrong.”
“He shaved off his beard.”
“I noticed,” Viv said with a puzzled frown. “But I don’t see the connection.”
Rhys puffed out an exasperated breath as he tried to wrap words around his tangled emotions. “He shaved his beard, and he looked so young. It reminded me of how much older I am and how likely it is that I’ll die first. I don’t want to subject him to the kind of pain I felt.”
“Oh pooh!” Viv waved her hand dismissively. “That sounds noble, but it’s just more selfishness hidden inside good intentions. Thomas is an adult, and it’s up tohimto decide whether that’s a risk worth taking, not you. Making a decision for him like that isn’t loving. It’s disrespectful.”
Rhys suppressed a wince. Viv’s ability to cut through to the heart of a matter was one reason he’d been avoiding this talk.
“Now tell me what was really going on,” she said with a knowing look.
Rhys raked his fingers through his hair and stared at the porch floor. “I got scared.”
Viv remained silent for a long moment, and when she spoke again, her voice was soft with sympathy. “I know losing Andy was the worst pain of your life, but if you want to experience the joy of loving and being loved the way you were with him, the risk of loss comes with it. I know you’ve been saying the risk isn’t worth it, but I saw you smile more those few days Thomas was here than I have in the past five years put together. If you had to pick one word to describe how you felt with him, what would it be?”
Rhys knew he could avoid the point she was trying to make, but deep down, he was tired of running and avoidance. He was tired of feeling alone and lonely and sad, and he was finally ready to accept the fact that he didn’t have to mourn Andy for the rest of his life. He could respect Andy’s memory and still move on with his life, whether he was alone or with someone new.
“Happy,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. Getting the word out was difficult and terrifying, but oh, what a relief when it was out at last and he couldn’t call it back.
“He was happy too,” Viv said gently, and Rhys glanced sidelong at her.
“Do you think I screwed up beyond repair?”
“There’s only one person who can answer that,” Viv said as she pushed herself out of the rocking chair. “And it’s not me.” She bent and dropped a kiss on the top of Rhys’s head. “You could start with an apology and see how it goes from there.”
“Maybe I will,” he said, and she gave him such a quelling look that he raised both hands in a gesture of surrender. “Iwill. He deserves an apology even if he can’t forgive me for being such an asshole.”
“Yes, he does.” Viv waved as she headed down the steps. “Good luck!”
Rhys sat for a minute longer and watched her go, knowing what he needed to do but already queasy from nervousness about doing it. Finally, he made himself get up and go inside, and he went straight to his desktop computer before he could chicken out. He decided to send an email first and keep it simple, and if Thomas was willing to talk to him, Rhys wanted to video chat so Thomas could see his expression as well as hear the tone of his voice — and he wanted to see Thomas’s expression in return so he could gauge the likelihood of Thomas telling him to fuck off for good.
Dear Thomas,
