It was the first time Rhys had spoken the sentiment aloud, and he surprised himself by dumping it all on Thomas, especially given Viv had been urging him to visit a grief counsellor for years. But Thomas was his friend and Rhys trusted him, so maybe that made it easier for him to be honest in a way he couldn’t be with a stranger.
“Of course he did. You loved him, so you wanted to be with him forever.” Thomas looked up, and his eyes were full of sympathy. “But denying yourself the things you enjoy won’t bring him back. He was lucky to have you. Have you ever considered that? He could have died young without ever knowing what it was like to have someone love him so much. I mean, look at me. If I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I’ll never have known what that was like. No one is going to mourn long before going on with their lives. I feel bad that Andy died, and I feel bad for your loss. But I envy him, too.”
A wave of sympathy washed over Rhys hard enough that it almost felt like a physical blow. He knew Thomas was estranged from his family, but he didn’t realize how much that loss still affected Thomas.
“That’s not true,” he said. “Sure, you’re cut off from your family, but they’re assholes, and it’s no great loss. You’re not alone in the world even without blood relatives.” He gnawed on his bottom lip as he studied Thomas, debating whether to add the next thought that rose in his mind. “You’ve got me,” he said at last. “I’d miss you.”
Thomas smiled crookedly and gave up shredding his muffin. “Thanks. I appreciate that. But you know what I mean. There’s no one who will miss me the way you miss Andy. Maybe someday… but none of us are promised tomorrow.”
“That’s true,” Rhys said, turning his attention to his plate. A small part of him wanted to gather Thomas in his arms and offer a real relationship instead of a fake one, wanted to promise to show Thomas what he’d been missing. But he wasn’t ready for that… was he?
No, it wouldn’t be fair to Thomas to make an impulsive offer based on sympathy that both of them might regret. Rhys didn’t want to fall in love again. He’d had his happily ever after once; to ask for another was foolish.
“You do matter to me, though,” he said, shouldering Thomas again. “I’m pretty sure Mama would be willing to adopt you too.”
“Viv is great.” Thomas smiled more naturally. “And I appreciate your friendship. But I want to fall in love and build a life with someone. To go to sleep next to him at night and wake up next to him in the morning and know we belong together. I want what you had, you know? Sometimes I think I’ll never have it.”
“You deserve that,” Rhys said. “You’ll have someone of your own. You’re cute, personable, and famous. What’s not to love?”
What indeed?But Rhys squelched that little voice quickly. Thomas did deserve a man who would sleep next to him, wake up with him, and love him deeply — but that man couldn’t be Rhys.
Thomas was quiet for a long moment, and then he fixed his gaze on Rhys. His blue eyes were intense, and his lips parted as he drew breath to speak. The doorbell rang.
“Shit!” Thomas said, looking toward the front door, his brow creased in annoyance.
Rhys wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or annoyed, and he didn’t want to think too much about it either way. Instead, he stood up and headed for the door.
“It’s probably Mama,” he said. “She usually calls or texts first, but I can’t think of anyone else who’d be dropping by this early.”
But it wasn’t Viv who stood on his front porch. Instead, he opened the front door to see Scott peering at him hopefully.
“Hey!” Scott offered a cheery wave and a smile. “I’m glad I caught y’all at home.”
“What are you doing here?” Rhys fixed him with a hard stare. “We didn’t make plans for today.”
“No, but I was hoping we could.” Scott gestured to the door. “Can I come in?”
Rhys was tempted to slam the door and yell “no!” through it, but a lifetime of manners compelled him to move aside and swing the door open wider. “I guess,” he said, not bothering to sound gracious.
Thomas rose to his feet as Scott and Rhys entered the kitchen, but he was frowning. “Is anything wrong?”
“No, not at all.” Scott was either ignoring or oblivious to the signals both Rhys and Thomas were sending. “I wanted to see what y’all were up to today. The Apple Harvest Festival is happening downtown, just so you know.”
“That’s today?” Rhys glanced at Thomas, conflicted. He wasn’t eager to spend another whole day with Scott, but the festival was a unique event that Thomas might enjoy. “I didn’t realize.”
“I figured as much,” Scott said.
Thomas looked as though he was about to say something, but then he took a step back. “You know, the two of you could go without me. It might be good for you to spend some quality time together.” He stared hard at Scott. “Don’t you agree, Scott?”
Scott shot a startled look at Thomas, but he appeared to recover quickly. “I’m game if Rhys is.”
Rhys froze, his mind racing as he tried to figure out a way to avoid going to the festival — or anywhere else — alone with Scott. He snaked out his arm and yanked Thomas into a one-armed embrace, his fingers clamped in a death grip on Thomas’s shoulder.
“Under normal circumstances, that would be great,” he said. “But Thomas will be leaving in a few days, and we won’t see each other again for a while because he’ll be shooting a film. I’d rather not waste precious time I could be spending with my boyfriend.”
Thomas stiffened, but then he relaxed with a quiet sigh. “How can I argue with that?” he asked, but Rhys got the feeling Thomas was more than a little annoyed. “But I need to change clothes.”
“Me too.” Rhys released Thomas, but before he went upstairs, he leveled his finger at Scott and glared a warning at him. “Don’t you fucking dare touch my chocolate muffins.”
