Chapter 11
The drive from Holiday Pines to Reindeer Falls Christmas Tree Farm was only about thirty minutes, but after riding in silence for about ten, Emilio knew he had to say something. Things had been awkward ever since he’d inadvertently misunderstood Rayne’s comment in the attic as being about Rayne’s ex, and Emilio hated the feeling that they’d gone back to square one. Maybe he shouldn’t care what Rayne thought about him anymore, but now that he’d gotten over his anger—well, at least mostly over it—Emilio didn’t like feeling as though they’d moved backward. So he drew in a deep breath and then glanced at Rayne, who was staring out the window at the passing scenery as though it was the most absorbing sight in the world.
“I’m sorry,” Emilio said at last, breaking the silence. “About misunderstanding what you meant. I thought I was over feeling jealous of whoever you’d been with in Atlanta, but looking at the pictures of us was hard. I shouldn’t have said anything, and I don’t want to undo all the progress we’ve made.”
“I understand,” Rayne said, shifting to look at Emilio. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m throwing him in your face. I just wanted to make it clear that it’s not an off-limits topic. If there’s something you want to know that would make you feel better, I’m willing to talk about it.”
“Thanks.” Emilio didn’t really want to talk about Rayne’s lover, the one Rayne was with for years, who he’d actually been in love with. He didn’t think it would help him feel better, but there was one part that was gnawing at him, and maybe it would help to know. “Just… how long after you broke up with me did you get together with him… or with anyone else? Tell me the truth. If you dumped me for someone, I want to know.” It might be more than Emilio could bear, but he still had to know.
Rayne’s expression was somber as he gazed steadily at Emilio. “I didn’t break up with you because I wanted to be with someone else. I met Tony at the interior design company I worked for after college. I’d been there a couple of years already when he was hired. I’d dated casually and had a few hook-ups before we got together, but he was my first and only serious relationship since you.”
A knot in Emilio’s chest that he hadn’t even been aware of suddenly loosened, and he drew in a deep breath. Apparently the question of Rayne’s possible betrayal had been bothering him more than he’d been willing to admit. Or maybe, he admitted, he’d just assumed Rayne had dumped him for someone more worldly, educated, and glamorous. Someone Rayne hadn’t known since childhood and therefore considered just another part of the small-town life he’d been so desperate to leave behind.
“Okay.” Emilio’s voice sounded rough, so he cleared his throat. He noticed his fingers had grown white-knuckled on the steering wheel, and he deliberately loosened his grip, telling himself to relax. “Thanks.”
Rayne slanted a sidelong look at Emilio. “His full name is Antonio,” he said casually. “His parents are both from Puerto Rico.”
The admission gave Emilio a bit of a pang, but he covered it with a snort, not willing to examine the feeling too closely. “There aren’t many hot Latin gay Latin men in the area, I’m afraid. You might have to settle for someone with a lot less fire and passion.”
“I’d rather be alone than settle,” Rayne said, turning his attention back out the window.
“So we’re in the same boat,” Emilio said before he realized how it might sound.
Rayne glanced at him, one eyebrow raised. “I thought the problem was you couldn’t find anyone willing to move to Holiday Pines.”
“That’s part of the problem, yes.” Emilio shrugged. “Which means I haven’t been willing to settle for anyone who wants a one night stand, or even a brief fling, at least once I got over sowing my wild oats. Casual sex grew boring really fast. Mama wants me to join one of those dating websites to expand my options.”
“Are you going to?”
“Probably not,” he admitted. “I don’t have time, and I can’t see becoming passionate about someone I’ve never met in person. It seems… impersonal.”
“It’s tough to figure out whether you’ve got chemistry with someone just through chatting online,” Rayne said, his expression turning speculative.
“Exactly.” Emilio nodded, pleased that Rayne understood. Of course he shouldn’t be too surprised. Rayne had once known him better than anyone else, and Emilio didn’t think he’d changed much over the years. “I know Mama wants me to be happy, but I’ve resigned myself to never having the kind of relationship I want.”
“What kind do you want?” Rayne asked, sounding curious. “What would make you happy?”
“I thought you knew,” Emilio replied. “The whole white picket fence thing, although my house already has a rail fence. I want a man who’ll love me forever, and dogs, and cats, perhaps even a couple of kids. My sister Elena offered to carry a child if I ever found a man who wanted that kind of commitment with me.”
“What about the studio?” Rayne asked. “That place takes up most of your time. There doesn’t seem to be much left for a partner and kids, unless you want your partner to be a full-time stay-at-home parent.”
“I can always cut back hours or hire another teacher. There just hasn’t been any reason to do so. I stay busy. It’s better than sitting around my house feeling sorry for myself, don’t you think?” Emilio glanced over at Rayne, wondering why he was so concerned. “As far as my hypothetical husband—not just partner, you know I’m old-fashioned that way—well, that’s up to him. If he wants to be a stay-at-home husband and father, I make enough money to support a family. If he has a career, I’m fine with that, too.”
“That seems reasonable,” Rayne said with a little nod. “Well, I suppose all we can do is wish each other luck in our future dating endeavors.”
“I suppose so.” Emilio had no reason at all to feel let down by that answer, but he hadn’t expected anything more. Nor did he have the right to feel jealous of Rayne’s prospective future partner, although it would be more than a little ironic if Rayne moved back to Holiday Pines and found the one thing that had eluded Emilio for years.
Deciding to change the subject, he asked Rayne about what feedback he’d gotten on the playhouse since the show opening, and they chatted about the positive reviews until they reached Reindeer Falls.
They still had two hours of daylight, and after Rayne had inquired at the entrance about where he could find the size and kind of trees he wanted, they set off toward a different area from most of the traffic. The trails were well marked, and once they reached the right section Emilio slowed the truck.
“Let me know if you want to get out and walk. I brought some red tape so we could mark potential trees as we go.”
“Good idea.” Rayne offered a small smile of approval. “I’m good with staying in the truck for now, though.”
“Okay.” Emilio drove slowly along the rows of trees, not sure exactly what Rayne was looking for. “See anything you want yet?”
“Definitely,” Rayne said, but a glance showed he was looking at Emilio, not out the window.
