“I hope you don’t mind, but Cade Thornton gave me your number,” she said. “I wanted to speak to Able… I mean, Hunter. I was afraid if I called his cell phone, he’d see it was me and not answer. But I need to talk to him.”
Payne’s first instinct was to protect Hunter and say no, because he wasn’t sure how Hunter would react. Hearing from Stack’s wife might cause a setback, and Payne wasn’t sure he wanted to risk it.
Then again, he knew he’d been too lenient with Hunter lately. Hunter was better, but he couldn’t keep coasting along indefinitely, and talking to Jennifer might give him a kick in the ass he needed.
“Hang on a sec,” Payne said, and then he carried the phone over to Hunter and held it out. “It’s for you. It’s Jennifer,” he added so Hunter wouldn’t think he was being blindsided.
The color drained from Hunter’s face, and he stared at the handset as though Payne was holding out a poisonous snake. He shook his head in violent negation, then glanced up at Payne. Payne knew Hunter was a brave man, his field record vouching for the fact, but there was something close to terror in Hunter’s eyes. “No…”
Payne straightened his spine and squared his shoulders as he shifted into Dom mode. “You need to talk to her,” he said, an edge of command in his voice. “You can do this. I’ll be right here the whole time.”
Hunter looked as if he might push back from the table and flee, but then he drew in a breath, seeming torn between his fear and his desire to obey Payne. For several long moments, he didn’t say anything, and then he closed his eyes, his shoulders slumping in defeat.
“Put it on speaker,” he said, his voice so low Payne could barely hear him.
Payne hit the speaker button on the handset and placed the phone on the table. “Jennifer, Hunter is here, and he’s listening,” he said as he shifted to stand as close to Hunter’s chair as he could and rested his hand on Hunter’s shoulder. Hunter was trembling, but he stayed in the chair.
“Hunter?” Jennifer’s voice was hesitant, and Payne could hear the sadness in it. “Please, Hunter, speak to me. I know you hurt, because I hurt, too, but please, say something.”
“Jen.” Hunter got her name out, his voice thick and raspy. He put his elbows on the table and buried his face in his hands.
There was a soft sigh from Jen. “Hunter, you’re still blaming yourself, aren’t you? Because if you weren’t, you would have returned my calls by now. Mark wouldn’t want you to beat yourself up this way.”
Hunter’s shoulders were shaking. “My fault,” he said raggedly. “Jen, just… I’m sorry. I can’t do this…”
“Yes, you can.” Jen’s voice held a sharp edge. “Look, you don’t owe me anything, even though you were my friend too. I’m coping. I have my family here, so I’ll be okay. For what it’s worth, I don’t blame you. I never have. I would help you if you’d let me, but I know you won’t. But damn you, Hunter, you can’t ignore Jake! He’s your godson, and you promised Mark you’d be there for Jake if he couldn’t be! He misses you. He’s lost his father, and he doesn’t understand why his Uncle Hunter won’t come and see him. It’s his birthday next week, remember? And he told me what he wants more than anything is to see his Uncle Hunter.”
The sound Hunter made was more like a wounded animal than a man. Hunter was shaking his head, and Payne wasn’t sure Hunter could say anything even if he wanted to.
“Jennifer, would you mind if I come with him for support?” Payne asked as he stroked Hunter’s back gently.
“He can bring an entire damned company of mercs, as long as he comes,” Jennifer said. Her voice sounded thick, as though she, too, was crying. “Hunter, you know it wasn’t your fault. I love you, Jake loves you, and Mark loved you like a brother. We’re your family too. Please come. You don’t have to say anything, just come see Jake.Please.”
“We’ll be there,” Payne said. Having Jennifer and Jake’s love and support would help Hunter’s healing process, and Payne was determined to get him to the party even if he had to hogtie Hunter and drag him there.
“Thank you.” He heard Jennifer sniffle. “Hunter knows where we live. A week from Saturday, two PM. Hunter… it’ll be okay. You’ll see. Mark would want you to go on, the way he wanted me and Jake to go on. I’ll see you. Take care.” With that, the line went dead.
Payne left the phone where it was for the moment and slid both arms around Hunter’s shoulders. “You need to do this.”
Hunter turned in the chair, wrapping his arms around Payne and clinging to him like a drowning man to a life raft. Payne could feel Hunter’s tears soaking into his shirt. “Can’t.”
Payne leaned his cheek on the top of Hunter’s head and rubbed his back with slow, soothing strokes. “Yes, you can. You’re a strong, brave man, and I’ll be with you.”
Hunter didn’t reply, but slowly the storm of emotion seemed to pass, and Hunter let out a shuddering breath. “I’m not brave,” he said, his tone raw. “I’m petrified to face Jen and Jake. I’d rather face a firing squad.”
“That’s normal and understandable,” Payne said. He wished he could banish Hunter’s fear and guilt with words, but Hunter had to wrestle those demons himself. “But bravery isn’t the absence of fear. It’s doing what you must in spite of the fear.”
Hunter raised his head, looking up at Payne. His eyes were red, his face haggard. “I still don’t think I can do it. I’ll freeze again, or maybe I’ll freak out. And… it hurts. Like a knife in my gut.” He dropped his gaze. “It would have been easier if I’d died instead. I wish I had.”
Payne stroked Hunter’s cheek, aching for the turmoil Hunter was feeling. “We need to resume your therapy,” he said. Letting Hunter slide would be easier, but it wouldn’t be helpful. “Not tonight because you’ve been through enough, but tomorrow, we’re going to have another session. You need to deal with your guilt.”
Hunter seemed to sag. “I don’t know if it will help. I don’t know if anything will.”
“We won’t know until we try,” Payne said, injecting an authoritative edge into his voice. “And we’re going to try. I’m not going to let you be eaten alive by fear and guilt if I can do anything about it.”
“I don’t know why you put up with me.” Hunter pulled back, then rose from his chair as though the very act of moving hurt. “Sorry. I… I need to be alone for a little while.”
“Of course.” Payne stepped back to give Hunter room to pass by. He wanted to wrap his arms around Hunter and hold him tight. He wanted to promise everything would be fine even though he didn’t know for sure it would be. He wanted to confess that he loved Hunter and would always be there for him.
But he couldn’t do any of that, and so he let Hunter go instead.
