Asher returned bearing a decadent chocolate cake on a covered glass cake plate, and he placed it carefully on the table. Then he opened the warming dish and reached for Zach’s plate to serve him a thick steak with capers and the potatoes.
“How does that look?” he asked, setting the plate in front of Zach with a little flourish.
Zach’s mouth watered. “It looks delicious! You must have been at the top of your class at cooking school, because I haven’t seen anything this good outside of an expensive restaurant.”
Asher served himself, then sat down next to Zach. “I don’t have time to cook as much as I’d like, but I find it relaxing,” he said. “So you said you’re the oldest. Does that mean you’re a typical oldest child? I’ve heard they tend to be perfectionist overachievers who boss their siblings around,” he added, a teasing glint in his eyes.
“That might have been true when it was just me and Ellie, but once Jen was born, I was outnumbered,” Zach replied, cutting into his steak and taking a bite. The flavor was incredible. “This is phenomenal, Asher. If you ever get tired of being a lawyer, I bet you could open your own restaurant and make a fortune.”
“I’m glad you’re enjoying it.” Asher smiled, seeming pleased by the compliment. “So you don’t boss your sisters around, but that doesn’t address the perfectionist overachiever part, although I think I already know the answer to that.”
“I graduated high school at fifteen and got my JD at twenty,” Zach said. “But I had an unfair advantage, since my father has a doctorate in English and my mom is a world-class economist. I could read at two and understood math at three. My parents devoted a lot of time and attention to me. They never pressured me, and let me go at my own pace. I liked the attention.” He paused, realizing he’d been babbling about himself, and Asher had told him little in return. “What about you? I bet you were an overachiever too.”
“You’d win that bet,” Asher replied, inclining his head to acknowledge the point. “Mostly by nature, but partly because my father had high expectations.”
“Oh? One of those type-A personalities whose son had to be an asset to the family name?” It didn’t take much to formulate his guess, given what he’d heard of Asher’s father.
Asher’s answering smile was mirthless. “Of course.” He gazed down at his plate, his expression turning pensive. “This isn’t something I’m accustomed to talking about.”
Zach could tell the subject was sensitive, and his heart went out to Asher. Obviously his father had shaped the man Asher had become, for good or ill.
“I don’t want to push you to discuss something that upsets you,” Zach replied quietly. “But I’ve been told I’m a good listener, and I’d like to get to know who you are inside.”
“I don’t want you to think I’m fishing for sympathy or trying to justify any of my questionable life choices,” Asher said, pushing a piece of potato around his plate with his fork.
“You have no need to fish for sympathy from me or anyone else, so I’d never think that,” Zach said. He put down his fork and rested his hand on Asher’s. “Nor do you have to justify your life choices. As far as I can tell, you’ve never hurt anyone, and you do a lot of good for a lot of people. So if you want to talk, I’ll listen and promise not to judge you.”
Asher turned his hand over so he could curl his fingers around Zach’s, even though he didn’t look up, and it took him a moment to start speaking.
“I’m not sure where to begin,” he said at last. “My father started grooming me to follow in his footsteps pretty early. The good thing is, I can’t think of anything else I’d rather be doing. I like what we do at Caldwell and Monroe in particular because we’re helping people who need it. But the weight of his expectations was pretty heavy. He hasn’t really forgiven me for not getting married and begetting a Theodore Asher Caldwell the third.”
Zach gave Asher’s hand a little squeeze. “He didn’t take your coming out very well, then?”
“Let’s just say that if Mrs. Ted Caldwell the second had given birth to a son instead of a daughter, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now.” Asher tightened his fingers on Zach’s hand, his voice soft and laced with pain.
Zach felt a flare of unaccustomed antipathy for Asher’s father, who had hurt Asher deeply. Zach couldn’t understand a parent who would be cruel to their own child.
“That’s awful,” he said. “And inexcusable on a lot of different levels. You’re a brilliant, successful lawyer who has a lot to be proud of. If he can’t see that, well, fuck him.”
Asher gave a startled laugh and glanced sidelong at Zach. “That’s pretty much my stance these days. The man is on his fourth wife, and he doesn’t have a decent relationship with either of his kids, but it doesn’t seem to bother him. He didn’t ask for visitation rights for my half sister when he and Olivia got divorced. Constance and I are almost twenty years apart in age, and I haven’t seen her since she was maybe two or three.”
Zach wanted to pull Asher into his arms and offer the comfort and assurance and affection Asher’s father had denied him, but it wasn’t his place, especially not on a first date. He was already dangerously close to falling head over heels for Asher, and he didn’t want to put expectations on Asher that he didn’t have a right to yet and maybe never would.
“Some people exist in a world where no one matters except themselves and no desires matter except their own,” he said. “I saw plenty of that at Princeton, believe me. One of my friends wasn’t happy because her mother wasn’t proud of her. She was a smart girl, but she wasn’t the perky, pretty cheerleader her mother wanted. She’s a neurosurgeon, but there’s still a part of her that feels inferior. It makes me feel both humble and blessed to have the parents I do.”
“You’re lucky,” Asher said, looking directly at Zach at last. “I envy you having parents who are still together and who support you. I was six when my parents got divorced, so I only have a few memories of my mother. While I was growing up, Dad told me she didn’t want to take me with her when she left, so I was hurt and angry with her for a long time. I found out the truth eventually. Dad wanted his little heir under his control, so he threatened to ruin her if she tried to get custody, and he threw enough money around to make sure she didn’t even get visitation rights. I looked for her, but she died a few years before I learned what really happened. She had cancer, and I didn’t find out until too late.”
Horrified, Zach stared at Asher, a lump forming in his throat. Such deliberate manipulation was almost beyond Zach’s comprehension, but there were plenty of Ted Caldwells in the world.
“You’re a strong man,” he said. “Do you know what that kind of thing does to a lot of people? I can only imagine how hurt and disillusioned you must have been, and I’m in awe you’ve come through it as well-adjusted as you are.”
“I’m so well-adjusted that I rely on an escort service because I avoid commitment like the plague.” Asher snorted and shook his head. “I don’t have a good model of what a healthy relationship should look like. I’m also terrified I’ve got too much of Ted in me and I’ll hurt someone the same way he has. It’s been easier to remain a perpetual bachelor.” He rested his palm against Zach’s cheek, searching Zach’s face with wonderment in his eyes. “But there’s something about you that makes me want to try.”
Just like that, all the attraction and the admiration, the sympathy, the empathy, and even the fear coalesced into a molten pool inside of Zach. He looked back, eyes wide as he realized he’d fallen desperately, hopelessly, and irreversibly in love with Asher Caldwell.
And if he said so, he’d probably frighten Asher into running for the hills.
As much as he wanted to say those words—to shout them from the rooftops—Zach held them in, opting instead to lean against Asher’s hand. “That sounds good to me,” he murmured, then pressed his lips against Asher’s palm.
