Mark’s jaw flexed, and he rocked on the balls of his glossy leather shoes.
“You also forgot the sea view and the outdoor patio that’s an entertainer’s dream,” I joked. I hesitated to walk any further than the two rooms we’d been circling. My stomach was sore and overflowing with anxiety. My legs were burning as if my body was preparing to run me out at any moment, whether or not my brain consented. The blank look on Mark’s face told me he wasn’t used to dealing with people like us, and it made him suit his chosen career. He was so pretty, but he couldn’t work off script. Which was a real shame.
“That’s enough for today, Marky-Mark,” June said, watching my posture become increasingly deflated as the pain in my stomach grew. “Now tell us why you’re really here.”
“To welcome you, of course. And to offer a hand, if needed,” he replied.
“At least he’s predictable,” I said, addressing June like he wasn’t there.
She stared at him, silent and unmoved. The seconds dragged out. Then, finally, Mark let out a sigh and dropped his hands to his sides as he leaned back against the browning wall.
“Fine. I wanted to see if you had any intention of selling. And to offer my services,” he answered. His chest deflated with his honesty.
“The truth,” June sighed, and for the first time since she’d arrived her shoulders dropped an inch. “Now that I can respect.”
I waved at June as her car sped down Bellamy Lane not much later. The sun was already beginning to set like a fireball peeking out from behind yellow clouds. An old oak creaked in the wind, and I shivered.
Thank the universe for my summit sleeping bag and wool-stuffed pillow with its faded flannel cover. My neck swore I couldn’t sleep on pillows after thirty-four, but it was useful for hiding my face from whatever else lurks in the dark. Everything I didn’t sell before I left Roma’s I’d stuffed into the navy-blue pack I’d bought for the travelling that I never ended up doing once work dried up. I sat in the back seat of my car and willed myself not to spiral without success.
I’m a failure. I’m a failure. I’m a failure.
Sleeping in a car. No home, technically, because I was giving up Bellamy Children’s Home the second I figured out which sick bastard left it to me.
No furniture. No job. No partner. No children.No future.
This is what people looked like before you found them pissed on the street, curled up on cardboard.
I always felt like I was on the outside of life, with my face pressed up against the window, watching everyone else live. I couldn’t figure out how to get in. I’d watch them inside and try to imitate their actions, hoping I could join them. It was like a secret club with no initiation that I was aware of. Even though I smiled and always showed up early on the side-lines ready to go, the coach never called my name. They never let me in.
One day I’d figure out the damn code to adult living like everyone else.
My throat sank into my stomach the way it does when I spiral too far. I curled into my sleeping bag and pulled the cord tight around my face. Sleep came faster than it had any right to—probably because my body knew what was waiting on the other side.
CHAPTER FOUR
The screaming beganlike it did every night; echoing from somewhere outside the walls of a room that was no longer mine. The shrills grew louder as my fists clung to the scratchy white sheets of a bed. My breath hitched in my throat, my body paralysed like an invisible elephant sat on it.
I was trapped. Listening.Waiting.Trying not to suffocate in my panic.
Light footsteps padded past the closed bedroom door, followed by heavier ones. Then a tear-strangled cry.
Silence.
The brass handle of the dorm room rattled as it was opened from the outside. I heard Olivia in the bed next to me scratch her arms. She did the same thing every night before they took her. I wanted to save her, but I didn’t want to go in her place, and so I stayed there, eyes closed, pretending I was asleep.
Be quiet. So quiet.
The silence surrounding the now-open door told me that someone was watching us.
Deciding.
Please leave me alone. Please leave me alone.
I willed my heartbeat to still and not give me away.
We weren’t supposed to be awake. The ones who didn’t sleep were always taken first. I let my mouth drop open and forced my forehead to smooth out.
Footsteps approached, and I focused on my breathing.
