The line went dead.
Shame flooded me immediately. I slumped against the hallway trying to fuel myself with anger even though I knew it was me in the wrong.
Why do you do that, Riley? I sniffed, wiping my eyes as I flicked on the kitchen light to a note.
Frittata in the fridge. Eat!
Love, Breeze
The last thing I wanted was to be around anyone tonight. But in the empty apartment, I realised I’d been looking forward to the comfort that Breeze and Taco afforded me. I so desperately didn’t want to share myself or my life with anyone, but the longing in my chest betrayed me, and I had fewer humans in my circle than ever before. Perhaps I really would end up all alone.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
The coffee machinegrinding downstairs woke me, and I had two whole seconds of peace before yesterday punched me in the tits. If I thought I’d had a nimbostratus cloud over me before, the kind big enough to blanket Tokyo, now I had a whole crew of them. Enough to fill a black hole.
It was a strange sort of grief—an immense loss, but not for a person. It was for myself. Who even was I now? What was the point of putting my mismatched-socked feet on the floor when I was just a floating shell with no dock?
I pulled the covers over my head to block out the world.
“Good morning, sunshine! Oh my God, Ry!” Rick barged through the door and shook me under the blankets before tearing them off me.
I groaned, smirking as his free hand shot to cover his eyes. “Why are you here?”
“I think the better question is, why are you naked?”
“I’m not naked, I’ve got socks on.” I wiggled one orange and one purple foot at him. “Teaches you for barging in and manhandling me. What if I’d had a guy under here?”
“First, I know you’d never bring a guy to your own bed. That’s far too intimate for you. And second, I was worried you weredead.” He tilted his head dramatically towards the half-empty bottle of rubbing alcohol on my bedside table.
“Oh, that,” I sighed, pulling the white blanket back over my chest. “I didn’t drink it. I stupidly Googled it first, and apparently you can die. I drowned my sorrows in chocolate caramel slice instead.”
Rick’s mouth hung open, eyes flicking between me and the bottle.
“But why were you going to drink it? Do you want to…?” He mimed choking and rolled his eyes back.
“Oh my God,no!I was not trying to kill myself, Rick. What is wrong with you?” I shoved his arm, causing him to spill the coffee he was holding in the process. “The house was dry, and it was the only alcohol I could find.”
“That sounds like a desperate cry for help if I’ve ever heard one.”
“Not that desperate,” I said, hugging my knees and sucking a bit of dried chocolate off my thumb.
Rick sat at the end of the bed and handed me a white takeaway cup from downstairs, his eyes reflecting my misery. My insides shrivelled. No one else needed to be aware of my despair.
“Did you tell her anything?” I narrowed my gaze at my well-dressed friend, who rolled his eyes.
“Tell her what? I don’t even know what happened. She seems to have assumed something is wrong, just from my presence. But she didn’t pry.”
I groaned. “She’s onto it like that.”
Rick folded his arms over his grey singlet, which matched his grey cardigan, grey rolled slacks, and grey fedora. “Now you know you’re going to have to tell me. So, where would you like to do it?”
“I can’t compete with that look,” I said, eyeing the black studded belt and high-top Chucks that only added to his appearance. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”
“No one can compete with this look,” he said seriously. “We don’t have to go anywhere. Is this a ‘not look at each other’ conversation or...?”
I bit my bottom lip before bobbing my head. We’d figured out after Jared moved back to Canada and Rick had eventually found me laying in the empty bath of my flat with the water of the combined shower running over me, that my ability to tolerate being vulnerable increased when there was a shower curtain involved. Plus, I liked how uncomfortable it made him feel being in the presence of my naked body.
He nodded back gravely. Mostly about the being in the bathroom with me naked part though I was sure and not about what it was I was going to tell him.
