His smile and his twisted front tooth.
The way he patted my hand and said this would be easy.
The mixed lollies on his desk.
“This helps us see how good you are. And I can tell you’re good,” he’d said.
I’d smiled back at him.
I remember him strapping something around my legs. I can still hear the hum of the machine as it warms up.
The screaming as volts coursed through me. My screaming.
I woke to the strapping being removed. It was the first time I remember learning what betrayal felt like.
He gave me one lolly, not more. Because I’d screamed.
Red welts circled my legs from where the electrodes were strapped.
“We won’t need to do this again. Unless you break a rule.”
I’d trembled. My mouth tasted of vomit.
I vowed to myself I would never get in trouble again.
But I did. Because the rules changed constantly. Sometimes, it was impossible to stay quiet. Pain has a way of forcing sound out of you that you can’t control. And breaking thebe quietrule was the worst offence of all.
“Please. I want to go home. Please, I’ll be good, I promise. I want to go home.” I rocked on the floor, hands still over my ears.
“Riley,” a gentle voice cut in. Someone touched my arm.
I jerked back.
“Open your eyes, Riley,” the voice said firmer this time. Automatically I opened them and felt jolted by Dax’s face looking into mine as he crouched down in front of me. His chocolate eyes full of concern as he watched me struggling to get enough air through my haggard breath. Everything in the room felt like it was floating, and I didn't know how to stop it.
“Notice where your feet are,” he said as he held my face with one palm and forced me to look into his eyes. I noticed my feet.
“Is what you’re standing on hard or soft?” he asked. The ridiculousness of his question caught my thoughts off guard.
“Hard,” I whispered.
He smiled at me. “Which bits of your body are touching things?”
“My feet are touching the ground. My legs are touching each other,” I wheezed.
“Good.Good.What day is it?”
It took me a couple of beats to find the answer.
“Sunday.”
“And where are you?”
“The worst fucking place in the world.”
I noticed my hands were still over my ears and I self-consciously pulled them away. Dax lowered his chin for a moment, his eyes hidden. When he looked back up, something was different about his face, but I couldn’t place it.
“That’s it. You’re here, and it’s today. Sunday. Not back then. Can you look around the room and tell me five things you can see?”
