I tingle at the sweet, innocent contact that feels as intimate as anything we’ve done.
“I thought I’d be worried,” he says. “I’ve never left Kennedy overnight with anyone besides my parents since I got her.”
“Well, I’ll take good care of her.”
He squeezes my hand. “I know you will.”
Really?I peer up at him through the misty night and take in his sharp jaw and dimpled chin. His eyes crinkle at the corners when he’s thinking, and it’s adorable.
“I’m at a strange place in my life,” he says, his breath billowing.
“How so?”
“Well, on the one hand, I’m trying to hold on to my daughter. Maybe too much. I don’t fucking know. She’s a teenager now, and I’ll have to give her more rope, but that’s terrifying. It’s like her future relies on the decisions I make. I’ve already failed her once.”
I rub his knuckle with my thumb. “You haven’t failed her, Chase.”
“If I hadn’t been so careless or self-centered, maybe her life would’ve been different. Maybe she wouldn’t have been in the car with her mom in a shitty neighborhood and gotten carjacked. I could’ve helped them, you know.”
My chest tightens. “But you didn’t know. That’s not on you. And I’m not blaming Monica either because I have no idea why she didn’t tell you. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and say she had her reasons. But, Chase, you did the right thing as soon as you knew Kennedy existed. You can’t blame yourself for the rest.”
He shrugs like he’s not so sure I’m right. “The other side of the coin is …” He exhales. “I’m ready to have a life again.”
I try to release his hand, but he clamps down on it. He refuses to let go.
“I talked to Kate today,” he says. “And she told me I’m not irresponsible if I want more for me.”
My palm sweats despite the cold. The heat of my breath puffs into the air like a train. But the more I try to regulate it so Chase doesn’t notice, the more noticeable I think it becomes.
What is he saying? He wants more? More … what? More who?
More me?
“What do you think?” he asks.
“I think … this is your choice.”
“That’s a non-answer.”
I laugh. “It was a reply, so it counts as an answer.”
Chase leads me to a wooden swing beside the lake. We sit on the damp surface, and the cold bites into my backside. He notices, lifts me, and sets me on his lap with his hands around my stomach.
We swing gently for a long time, enjoying the cool breeze. I rest my head against his shoulder and let the rhythm lull me into a false sense of security.
“Do you find it hard to trust people?” I ask.
He hums. “No, not really. That’s pretty surprising, now that I think about it. But I’m not generally a distrusting person unless Luke is involved.”
I grin.
“Why? Are you?”
“Surprisingly, I am. Or maybe not surprisingly. I don’t know.”
“Why do you ask?”
I turn my head so I can see his face. “Because of this.”
