Madeline wavered. “I should stay with him.”
Joan tutted, collecting the sleeping Adam from her arms. “You look as though you’re about to fall asleep yourself. Now, the maids have long since cleaned your washroom, and I asked them to refill your bath with plenty of hot water and some lavender tosoothe you. It should be ready just about now, so why don’t you take yourself down there and relax before bed, hmm?”
Madeline opened her mouth to argue, but found that she was too tired.
“You’re right,” she said at last, shaking her head. “I am so exhausted. I had better rest. Thank you, Joan.”
“It’s no trouble,” Joan responded with a smile, settling herself in the rocking chair, which they had dragged out of the washroom and carefully dried off. “You deserve to rest, Your Grace.”
Madeline pressed a light kiss to Adam’s sleeping forehead and slipped out of the nursery.
As she made her way to her room, she felt exhaustion slowly settle over her. Her limbs grew heavy, as if she were being pulled down toward the ground, and her eyelids seemed to be weighed down.
Her room was empty, and one of the maids was pouring the last bucket of hot water into the bath, smothering a yawn. She flashed a tired smile at Madeline.
“Your bath is just finished, Your Grace,” she said. “Shall I stay up to help you undress and get into your night things?”
“No, no, of course not,” Madeline responded. “It’s far too late. You must be tired. Did you stay up late simply to draw my bath?”
The maid flushed and nodded. “I don’t mind staying up, Your Grace.”
“Well, you mustn’t. Go to bed, and be sure to tell the housekeeper that you and any other of the maids who stayed up to fetch my bath should be allowed a long rest in the morning, is that clear?”
The maid brightened. “Thank you, Your Grace!”
The girl scampered off happily, and Madeline began to strip down for her bath. She was grateful that she wore a gown she could get out of herself. Some of her gowns, particularly her new ones, were laced or buttoned up at the back in such a way that she could not get in or out of them without assistance. She left her clothes crumpled carelessly on the bedroom floor, a trail leading all the way to the washroom.
The steam was mostly gone from the washroom now, although the floor was still slick in places. Madeline eyed the tub, full to the brim with hot, opaque water. It smelled deliciously of lavender. She breathed deeply, closing her eyes. After a moment, she slid out of her shift, the last layer of fabric covering her. At once, goosebumps broke over her skin, but she stepped hastily into the bath, sliding down into the water.
It wasdelightful.The hot water was like silk on her skin, covering her up to her chin. Madeline closed her eyes, luxuriating. Steam coiled up from the water, and when she absently lifted her arm above the water, watching drops roll down her wrist, steam rose from her arm, too.
She breathed in and out, closing her eyes and shifting lower into the water. She could hear the thumping of her own blood in her ears, a soothing rhythm. She let her mind wander for the first time in what seemed like forever.
Adam would not die. She hadn’t let her friend down just yet. But now, of course, all of this was about so much more than her promise to Betty. Adam was his own little being; this tiny baby who relied so heavily on those around him. He had wriggled his way into Madeline’s heart and stayed there. If anything happened to him, she knew she wouldn’t simply be upset for the sake of his mother. She’d be heartbroken, destroyed. She’d never recover.
That was a worrying thought.
I suppose all parents feel this way.Raising a child is stressful. We are always afraid that something will go wrong. But now, somethinghasgone wrong, but it doesn’t matter. We managed it. Adam is safe. I am not a terrible guardian.
Whatever comes in the future, I am feeling more certain than ever that I can manage it.
She’d heard it said before that when it came to raising children, nobody ever really knew what they were doing. They figured it out as they went.
If other people can do it, why not me?
She smiled to herself as this thought swirled around her head. Already, Madeline was doing much better than she once had imagined. Shecoulddo this.
Thisbeing, of course, any number of things; raising Adam, enduring the gossip and stares of Society, and continuing to be married to a man who made her feel more strange than she could ever have imagined.
Madeline sank lower in the bathwater, almost up to her nose. She pressed her knees together, frowning.
Tristan was a mystery. Her own feelings for him were mysterious.
No, that’s not quite true, is it? I know exactly how I feel about him. I only worry that I shouldnotbe feeling that way.
“Heavens, what a mess. Don’t you ever fold your clothes, duchess?”
Madeline’s eyes flew open. She flinched involuntarily, sending a wave of bathwater streaming over the side of the bath.
