"He smelled good. All the time."
I rolled off Kofi and got up to walk around the sofa. When I returned to the front of it, Kofi sat up and patted the cushion next to him. He didn't reach for me when I sat, and I was grateful. I didn't need him touching me this minute. Hugging myself, I stared at the television, still trying to sift what I intended to say to the man at my side. Finally, I let my thoughts come the way they wanted.
"He was a friend of the family. His mother and mine were close friends. She's still friendly with her. Christopher and I sort of grew up together."
Kofi didn't interrupt me, which kept me compulsively filling the silence between us.
"It happened after he went away to college in the States. He came back during the holiday and ours mothers thought it was a good idea for us to go out with each other. According to them, we looked good together."
After staring at the wall over the television for a stretch, I forced myself to continue. "I was twenty-one."
As I slowed my breathing, I wiped the sweat from my forehead. "He was four years older than I was and on our third date, he thought it was a good time to have sex." My breath came faster and although I didn't want to relive the experience I'd been through so many times before, I found the will to continue. "I was still a virgin ... I said no, but ..."
I let out my breath and tipped my head back. When I could speak again, I released my words in a rush. "He had sex with me in his father's car."
"Gina, I'm sorry. You don't have to continue talking about this if it is too painful for you to deal with."
"Let me finish." I shook my head, released my hair a second time and put it into a bun. Eyes closed, I spoke in a monotone. "He said I’d been teasing him because if I didn't want him, I wouldn't have gone out with him."
"Why didn't you tell anybody?"
With the back of my hand, I dried my tears. "I did. I told Casey."
"Why didn’t you tell your mother?"
"She wouldn't have believed me.” My mind flashed back to that night, but I scrubbed at my eyes, as if it would remove the memory. “She thought the sun shone out of his ass."
Kofi’s voice was a gentle caress. "I'm sure she didn't think that."
"You know what I mean."
"Right.” He stroked my hair as he asked, “Was there nobody else who would have believed you?"
"I begged Casey not to tell anyone. Who'd believe that someone like him, from a prominent family would rape anybody?" My voice dropped to a whisper. "Chase knew something was wrong, but how could I tell him? Garth? No way. He'd have done something crazy."
"So, you've kept this between you and Casey all these years."
Wiping my wrist across my nose, I said, "It was better this way."
"Better for who, Gina? You're an emotional wreck because of something you should have dealt with years ago."
"I know, but I chose to handle it my way."
When I looked at Kofi, he smiled. "And we both know how that worked out."
Kofi left my side and took a spin around the room. He stopped beside a window that gave a view of the yard. Even in a white tee-shirt and knee-length shorts, he was distracting—despite the state I was in. After several minutes, he faced me. "Come here."
I dragged myself to where he stood and looked up at him.
He took me by both hands and as he drew me in, his breath wafted across my forehead. Cherished and protected, that's how I felt in his arms.
"What was that for?" I asked.
"Do I need a reason to hug you?"
I shook my head and tried to lighten the moment. "You're getting to be as weird as I am."
He kissed my forehead, then chuckled. "Nope. Since I knew you needed a hug. I supplied it."
