Shifting on the couch, I sit sideways, tossing my legs over his. “You’re good with them. The kids, I mean.”
He lays a hand over my leg, fingers sliding under the hem of my jeans to stroke over my ankle. “I love them. All of them. I never really thought much about kids and a big family, but then I found Jeremy, and he gave me all of his friends, and I get to be an uncle, and I couldn’t imagine my life without this.” Brian smiles at me, his face going soft, and I hear the words he doesn’t say.
Without you.
With the overhead lights dimmed, the twinkle lights from the Christmas tree play over the hollows of his handsome face, and the way he looks at me has my breath clogging my lungs. He looks at me like I’m all he sees, and even though we’re sitting in Emma and Jeremy’s living room with the sounds of Maddy stomping her feet and Emma and Jeremy putting their little kids to bed overhead, he’s all I see too.
I think he’s all I’ll ever see.
All I’ll ever want.
And suddenly, the idea of six months away makes my stomach clench and my eyes burn.
“I’m going to miss you,” I say quietly, reaching over and curling my fingers around his. “It feels like we just started, and now I’m about to go away, and I hate it.”
“Liv,” he whispers, laying his free hand on my cheek. “I’ll miss you too. God, I’ll miss you so fucking much. But you’re not leaving today. Today, we’re right here, together, and it’s Christmas. Be here with me now, baby. We’ll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.”
He looks at me for a beat before lifting my legs off of his and standing up, offering me a hand. “Come with me.”
I tilt my head and study him. “Where are we going? Jeremy said something about Christmas cocktails and Christmas Eve game night.”
Reaching down, Brian takes my hand and pulls me up off the couch. “We can do drinks and game night any time. Right now, I want to be alone with my girl. I have something for you.”
“And by your girl, do you mean me?” I ask, winding my arms around his neck.
“Bet your gorgeous ass,” he says, leaning in and kissing my neck. “My best girl.” My cheeks. “My only girl.” My forehead. “Mine.”
I close my eyes, breathing him in, memorizing his scent, the feel of him. “I like being yours.” Opening my eyes, I look up at him and smile. “I think being yours is my favorite thing.”
Leaning in, he kisses me slowly, thoroughly, like there aren’t five other people in the house who could come flying down the stairs at any time. He kisses me like he’ll never get another chance, like this moment is all we have, and he’s desperate to hold onto it.
And so am I.
“Everything about you is my favorite thing,” he says quietly, his eyes boring into mine. “Come home with me, Liv. Spend the night with me and wake up with me on Christmas morning. Let me give you your present and spread you out over my bed and worship every inch of you until all you remember is the way we feel together.”
A shiver rolls down my spine, and I have to lock my knees to keep my legs from shaking. “I want that. All of it.”
Brian bends and kisses me again, wrapping an arm around my waist and tangling his free hand in my hair. Then he pulls back and takes my hand with a smile and a wink.
“Come on, Liv. Let’s go home.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
BRIAN
“Oh my god,” Olivia says the second we walk into the loft. With a glance back at me, eyes wide and excited, she makes a beeline for the giant Christmas tree set up in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows. “When did you do this?”
I stand back, my heart in my throat as I watch her take in the tree. The strings of colorful lights, the ornaments—a mix of traditional and whimsy that felt perfect for us—the gold star on top. She’s so beautiful it hurts. Walking up behind her, I wrap my arms around her waist, bending to kiss her neck. “Earlier today, before I picked you up to go to the Parkers’. I loved having dinner with everyone, and I know tomorrow will be a blast too, but tonight, I wanted to spend Christmas Eve with you. Only you. Can’t celebrate Christmas without a tree.”
Olivia turns in my arms, wrapping hers around my waist and propping her chin on my chest, grinning up at me. “If I recall correctly, before I came along and told you what a depressing Christmas-free zone this apartment was, that’s exactly what you were planning on doing.”
Smiling, I kiss her, cupping her face in my hands, stroking my thumbs over her cheeks. “A lot of things have changed since I kissed you in the kitchen that night,” I say quietly.
I love you.
The words are right there, pushing up from my chest, dying to get out. But for now, I swallow them back. I know she feels what I feel. I can see it in her eyes every time I look at her. I also know that the desperation I feel to give her the words is magnified by the fact that she’s leaving in a week, and even though telling her I love her would be the absolute truth, I think maybe we’re not quite ready for that.
There’s time.
