20
What am I doin’?
Theodore studiedMadison as she slumbered soundly next to him. Her breathing came slow and steady like the beating of the waves on the shore. His chest tightened at the sight of her. She was by far the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on, and she was there, with him.
I cannae be wantin’ye. Daenae ye ken that this will only lead to heartache and tears?
He carefully brushed asidea loose strand of her hair. How smooth and silky it was between his fingers. He pulled in a long deep breath, but it did nothing to calm the jitters raging within him. If there was one thing he was certain of, this moment of happiness was fleeting. It would vanish like the morning star at the glory of the sun.
As much ashe wanted to stay there on the shore, letting the world pass them by without a care in the world, he couldn’t. He glanced to the gray stone walls of the castle and let out a heavy sigh. There was no way he could keep her. She belonged with her family and deserved to be happy with someone who could give her the world.
“Laird…”she mumbled as Theodore shifted. She moved to the sand. Carefully, he stood and plucked her up as if she were Aphrodite just come out of the sea. His heart ached as he carried her close. Warmth radiated off her and seeped into his skin. She smelled of wildflowers and the sea.
“Hush now,”he cooed as he carried her back to the castle.
A smile tuggedat the corner of his lips. She was heavier now. Gone was the lass who was mere skin and bones. She’d been able to add something to her tiny frame, some bit of muscle. Still, she could use more. Various treats popped into his mind as he mulled over the idea of showering her with tarts and pastries first thing in the morning. The idea of having her wake to sweet and not sour made his heart swell.
“Daenae stop,”she whimpered and threw her arm over his shoulder. Theodore arched his eyebrow and glanced at her a moment, fearful she might have woken up. Yet, her eyes remained closed and a peace lingered like dew. “I cannae let ye.”
Theodore’s chest tightened.His nerves jumped as if he’d been shocked by lightning. Stealing a glimpse at the beauty in his arms, Theodore could feel the calcified wall around his heartcrumble to dust. He pursed his lips into a tight line wanting to rebuild that wall, but it was her taste lingering on his tongue that wouldn’t let him forget the pleasure he had with her.
“Hush,”he whispered despite wanting her to continue. Whatever details she would let slip, he’d savor them like a tasty morsel for the dark hours he’d be spending alone in his study.
The soundof the side door barely stirred her as he pulled it open. She shifted. It didn’t matter how she moved, she was nothing but a doll in his arms. Madison wasn’t as bony as she had been when she first came to his shores. The dim light of the torches kissed the tips of her hair that had shifted like a veil, covering her features from him.
“Oh my,”a servant gasped coming around the corner. The second she spotted Theodore, she turned and made a beeline for Madison’s room. It was the fact he didn’t have to say a word to his clan and they’d pick up on his need always amazed him. Theodore nodded to the servant out of appreciation for her help as he entered the room.
“Tend the fire,”Theodore said over his shoulder as he laid Madison on the soft fur lined bed. The servant scurried to her duty and with a shift of the coal and a new log, the room was toasty warm in no time.
“Shall I— ”the servant started only to be silenced by Theodore’s side glare. She bowed and scattered from the room with a smirk tickling her lips.
“Mmm,”Madison groaned as she stretched from her fetal position. Theodore stepped back to the shadows of the room and watched.
“Look at ye, ye poor fool.”Theodore’s body tensed at the sound of his mother’s voice rising like a condemnation from the depths of his being threatening to steal his joy. He flexed his jaw as his gaze remained steadfast on Madison. “Ye cannae love her. Ye’re nae capable of such an honorable act. Ye’re just like yer father. A fool.”
Theodore’s handsballed into tight fists as his mother’s voice taunted him. Every word she spoke was poison, yet no matter how much he wanted to silence her, he hadn’t figured out a way. She was with him, taunting and tormenting him. Only death would grant him a reprieve from his mother’s obsessive haunting.
“Me laird,”Madison whispered. His name lingered on the space between them. It took every ounce of his being not to crawl under the blankets with her. “Daenae leave me, ye cannae. Nae now, nae ever.”
A promise rangthrough her tone that resonated deep within him. He flexed his jaw and started for the bedroom door. Madison was safe in her bed now. There was no reason for Theodore to continue to linger any longer. Yet, he craved her. Even just being in the shadows of the room gave him pleasure. Still, he couldn’t remain there forever. Even if his mother’s voice faded into the abyss from which it belonged, it would find a way to slither back out and ruin his moment.
Frustrated,Theodore exited the chambers. There was no way sleep would come to him, not now. His body was like a coil or spring, taut and ready to spring. His chest tightened as he turned the corner. He couldn’t go to the silence of his chambers.
The soundof his boots echoed through the corridor as Theodore moved through the emptiness. He moved with purpose and made his way to his study. Sleep wasn’t going to come to him, not tonight. Not when his mind was busily working through the emotions Madison had rekindled and revived.
“There ye are,me laird. I’ve been lookin’ for ye.”
Theodore pausedat his study to find Boyd coming down the hallway. His shoulders rolled back as he stood taller. The last thing he wanted was to give the impression he wasn’t available.
“Boyd,the hour is late. I thought ye were on yer way to Inverness.”
“Aye,me laird. But the hour is early, nae late. The dawn is breakin’ and I’ve gathered the men. We’re headed out now. I just wanted to let ye ken I’ll nae be back for a least a week.”
Theodore bobbedhis head as he let Boyd’s words settle on his shoulders. “Wait. What town are ye goin’ to?”
“Beauly,”Boyd answered. “Then off to Inverness. I think the scullery maid is comin’ with us to visit family out that way.”
“Saddle me a horse,I’ll come with ye,” Theodore stated.
