“What is it?” I ask before Nikki can.
“It’s a hormone to help with ovulation; it will boost the production. There are some side effects though. That’s if you want to go forward.”
“What side effects?” I ask as Nikki nods her head in affirmation. She wants to do this no matter what, but I won’t jeopardize her health.
“Nausea, headaches, hot flashes, mood swings, and it can cause multiple eggs to release. The worst we will be looking out for is ovarian cysts. So next month we’ll perform another ultrasound. Do you want to do this?”
“Yes. I’ll do anything.” Nikki confirms my fears that she doesn’t care about what it will do to her.
“I’m not sure.” My voice deepens. I’m worried about her. I can’t lose her. I’ve lived without her before, and I wasn’t whole.
Nikki turns to look at me, her hands holding my face. “Zachy, I can handle all those side effects. We can try this for a month or two.”
“Well, only a month,” Jen says. “If it doesn’t work, we have thoughts for what to do next. But we’ll cross that bridge when it comes.”
“Fine, we’ll do it.”
Jen directs us to another room where they do an internal ultrasound. Then, we head back to the compound after getting the meds from the clinic’s internal pharmacy.
After dinner I help Dane with his homework while Nikki cleans up the kitchen. Jen told us we could resume regular sex now because they didn’t need another specimen from me. My boys are working good, they just aren’t getting to her eggs on time.
“Zach, can I call you Dad?”
My breath seizes in my chest. I’ve been here with this young man for almost two years. He is so much like his mom, not his biological mom but Nikki. He’s smart and is a member of his school’s debate team, but he also plays sports and studies martial arts with all the people around here on the compound.
“Buddy, that’s up to you. I’d be honored if you wanted to.”
“I’m just wondering because if you and Mom have a baby, it would seem weird if that baby calls you Dad but I don’t.” His voice cracks, he’s at that age.
“Dane, I never told you that you couldn’t call me Dad.” I clarify for him.
“I know, but I wanted to ask first. You don’t think it’s weird that I’m a teenager and your son?”
“No, buddy.” I shake my head as I chuckle softly. “If things had been different, you’d be mine. You’d have my name.”
“He could still have your name.” Nic’s voice comes from behind us. I turn to look at her and see her twisting her hands around and not looking at me. “You are listed as his father on his birth certificate. I needed to know he would be taken care of.” She rushes the words out, and I’m in motion across the room and take her into my arms.
“I have a son.” Tears clog my throat. I’ve had a son.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, it just kept getting pushed back,” Nikki says against my chest.
“Zach is really my dad?” Dane tries to wrap his arms around us. At only five foot two, the same height as Nic, his arms aren’t long enough yet. I slip my arms around all of us. My family.I thought I lost them when my parents and then grandparents died, but I’ve always had Nic as my family. I hold them tight, absorbing the fact I’ve had a family all along.
When we finally climb in bed later, I hold her in my arms as she starts to drift off.
“Nic, I love you. I’m serious, you don’t have to do this. No matter what, you are mine and I’m yours. You have always been mine.” She rolls over to look up at me. Her small body fits against mine.
“Zach, I love you too, but I really want to try this.” I feel her smile against my chest and hold her closer as we drift off.
3
NIKKI
It’s been one week since we saw Jen. We didn’t tell anyone what we had planned or what is going on. Mostly because I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, but also, because again, I don’t want my team to look at me differently. Keeping our secret might be difficult soon as my mood swings have been beyond control the last couple of days. I also have hot flashes. Derek just caught me with my head in the freezer in the office kitchen. I couldn’t help it, I thought I was on fire.
After another misconnected call to my office meant for Daniella, I’ve had enough. I stomp out to the front desk where my mom was hired to replace Callie as the receptionist. I round the corner and don’t pay attention to who is standing around.
“Excuse me, but don’t you know how to transfer a call? It’s not that hard. Hit a button, dial the extension, then hit connect. If you don’t know whose extension is whose, you can use the cheat sheet in front of your eyes, or are you too old to read without your glasses?” I rail at my own mother.
