If they could just make it to the homestead, it would help. Once the boys saw everything, from the beautiful location to the marks left by the terrible tragedy, they would understand her choice.
Or at least she hoped they would.
Because she truly needed them now. Without their help, she couldn’t rebuild.
Even with their help, it was a daunting task. That fact had been looming larger and larger over her.
Today, while shopping, it had almost gotten the best of her.
She needed mules and a full-sized wagon, but she didn’t have the money, despite Conn’s incredible generosity.
After buying clothes and food and other essentials, then checking prices at the hardware store, she realized the best she could do was one mule and a small ox cart.
She was thankful for it, but how would she haul everything she needed?
She wasn’t sure.
But she was sure of two things.
She would rebuild. No matter what.
And she needed her brothers.
Pa would be fine on his own. He was a strong man, their farm was modest, and this was a quieter time of year. He would be all right without the boys for a while.
Knowing Pa, he had anticipated all of this before sending the boys her way. He probably knew she would refuse to go home.
The realization that Pa had also known this would cause trouble between her and George made her smile.
That’s probably why Pa hadn’t come along. Because he wanted to give George the chance to stand up for himself.
But Pa knew she wouldn’t give in. So he must be trusting her to take care of George in that moment, to use it to build him up rather than tear him down.
It was the way she and her father had always been. They understood and relied on each other without having to say much.
Suddenly, she realized her father was relying on her again.
He wanted her to help George step into manhood.
Even though she didn’t know how that might play out, she took a silent vow then not to fail her father or George.
As they turned down the lane toward her homestead, Mary felt a terrible crumbling inside. Any moment now, they would ride into view of all she’d lost: the burned home, the empty corral, and Cole’s grave.
These things had saddened her in town, but she had managed to control her thoughts and emotions and focus on the road ahead.
Now, riding into the clearing and seeing the charred remains of her once happy home, everything welled up again.
She rode up to the blackened ruins and stared into the ash, telling herself that she needed to be strong. She needed to be strong for George and James.
As she climbed down from the pony, a funny thought struck her.
Had Pa also anticipated that? Had he understood that Mary would, for her brothers’ benefit, wrangle her emotions?
As the boys stopped the cart and got down and stared at the blackened remains of her home with open mouths and pale faces, Mary wondered if maybe her father had misjudged her this time and thought too highly of her.
Seeing them standing there, she knew now was the time to say something, to speak and say something that would comfort them and let them know she was okay and get all of them moving again, but words failed her.
As she stood there, frozen in grief and dreading conversation, something warm and furry slid against the hand hanging limply at her side.
