I lay that way for a while, watching her sleep, and attempting not to think about all of the stuff I’m avoiding. Like the fact that River will be here soon, and then I’ll lose this connection with Maddy that was built because the two of us were locked up together. I also have to deal with the fact that I have a half-brother, which I guess isn’t as bad. Truthfully, I often wondered if my dad had any children out there in the world, since Royal men usually sleep around on their wives. But the fact that my half-brother is a raised killer is unnerving. I mean, how do I even approach trying to form some sort of relationship with him? We can’t form a brotherly bond over our shared interests. And do I even want to form a brotherly bond with him?
Dammit, I wish River were here, which, yes, I know goes against what I was saying earlier. But even though Maddy will want to be with him the moment he gets here, I still miss my twin brother. I miss Lily as well. I hope she’s okay. I hope everyone is okay, including Noah. I even miss him, too. I miss our old friendship, when life was much simpler and I wasn’t aware of how evil my father is. Those days are long gone, though, and now I have to face the truth.
That I come from a monster.
Does it mean I’ll turn into one eventually?
I exhale heavily at the thought. I may not be a monster yet, but I’ve always given in to my father’s demands. I joined the society when he forced me to. I kept quiet about his business when he threatened me. I’m weak. Always have been. If River had been the one taken with Maddy, maybe he would’ve found a way around it.
Guilt crushes my chest and presses at my lungs. I’ve never experienced anything like this, this blinding desperation to get oxygen into my lungs, yet my body is fighting. Is this what a panic attack is like? I’ve seen River have a few before, and he helps it pass by focusing on slowing down his breathing.
I attempt to do that, and gradually my breathing and heartbeat return to normal. Quietness surrounds me again, but then a car door shuts from outside and voices flutter across the night.
I tense, worried my father has found us, but then River’s voice stands out amongst the murmuring. I can’t make out what he’s saying, even when he enters the house. I should get up and go see him. I want to. But I also don’t want to leave Maddy.
Minutes go by, and then someone knocks on my door. River, I’m guessing.
I glance at Maddy, debating whether I can move without waking her.
The door opens before I can arrive at a decision.
River steps into the doorway, his face a mere shadow against the hallway light casting across his back.
“Finn?” he says cautiously before stepping further into the room. When he gets close enough to the bed to get a glimpse of Maddy curled up in my arms, he goes utterly still.
“Is… Is she okay?” he whispers as he stands by the foot of the bed.
“I honestly don’t know. She came in here because she said she couldn’t sleep alone,” I whisper back. Maddy starts to stir, so I carefully slip my arm out from under her and climb out of the bed. “Let’s go talk out in the hallway. I don’t want to wake her up.”
We exit the room, and I close the door behind us. Underneath the light, River’s tiredness is visible, his eyes bloodshot, his dark hair a mess, and his clothes are wrinkled. Him and I usually put a lot into our appearance. It’s what we were taught to do. We’re both cracking at the seams, though, as the life we thought we knew crumbles underneath us.
“Are you okay?” River immediately asks and then shakes his head. “That’s a dumb question. Of course you’re not okay.”
“I’m fine.” The lie is thick on my tongue. I fold my fingers inward, attempting to remain calm.
But River is my twin and knows me too well. “No, you’re not. And you don’t need to be. Not after what he made you do.” Sighing, he hugs me.
We haven’t hugged in a while, and the gesture nearly makes me break down.
“Mom’s coming here,” I say as we step back. “But where’s Lily?”
“She’s staying with Aunt May. I think she’ll be safe there.”
“We’ll talk to mom about it when she gets here… It’s hard to know who to trust.” I sigh. “At this point, I feel like we can’t trust anyone outside of you, me, Noah, and Maddy.”
“Agreed.” He gives a short pause. “Elijah showed up at the northside airport while we were waiting to board the plane. He was searching for us, probably for Dad, but we were able to get onto the plane.”
“That’s good. Not that he was looking for you, but at least you escaped.”
“For now. But Dad put a bounty on Noah and me for the murder of Mom.”
“But mom’s alive,” I point out, gaping at him.
“I know, but the public doesn’t know that.” He gives me a pressing look. “Which means Noah and I will be hunted down and turned if we aren’t careful. We were lucky no one spotted us at the airport.”
“Maybe Mom can fix it,” I tell him as I rest my arm on top of the post of the stairway. “If she comes forward and tells the public she’s alive.”
River slips his hands into the back pocket of his jeans, “Except there’s a reason why she’s in hiding. She might not be able to.”
