Once we arrive at Golden Crest Fall, we drive to the outskirts and deep into the woods where the safe house is. The house is a nice two-story cabin with a fireplace, living room, kitchen, and four bedrooms. Trees surround the property, and protect us from being easy to find, snow dots the grass, and the sky is funneling with thick clouds.
Before we left, Ellie had informed us that not only will Finn and River’s mother be coming here, but River, Noah, and my real father will be as well.
When River told me over the phone that Grey was lying about being my dad, it was like a sucker punch to the gut. Sure, I only knew the man for like a day, but he’d been convincing enough that I went against my instincts and trusted him.
I feel like I might stop doing that, trusting people.
Well, not all people. I trust Finn with my life, and that isn’t a connection I can sever so easily. It’s tangled in two weeks of trauma that is so twisted, I’m unsure I’ll ever be able to untangle it.
I’m sitting on the bed in the bedroom that I chose to stay in, obsessively thinking about these things, when Ellie comes tentatively wandering into my room.
She offers me an unsure smile. “Hey.”
I don’t reciprocate her smile. “I want answers.”
“I know.” She enters the room and comes to sit down beside me on the bed. “I’ll tell you what you want to know, but I want to preface that some of the stuff I did was a mistake, but I was running blind when I learned everything, and I did the best that I could to protect you.”
I take a measured breath, trying to settle my nerves. “I want to tell you that I’ll be understanding, but all I keep thinkingabout is how you let me live with those awful people, so I don’t think I can yet.”
“Letting my sister raise you was probably one of my worst decisions, but I thought that if you were raised in northside, no one would ever suspect you of being an Everford. Plus…” She wavers. “My sister wasn’t always like that. Before she got married, she was a good person. Drugs ruined that, though. I wasn’t aware of how bad her drug problem was until you were around five. I thought about taking you and running away, but at that point, I was on the radar of the Royal Society.”
“You were on the radar of a college society?” I ask, questioning her truth. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
“They’re not just a college society. They’re a century-old group of wealthy men who have made it their mission to try to get ahold of the Crown of the Royal Flame, get onto Broken Crown Island, and take over the world. They’re the group that started hunting the Everfords in an attempt to accomplish this, but it never worked, and there’s a lot of mystery that surrounds that. Because of this, James and the society have made up wild stories about sacrifices and forced marriages being the key.”
I wring my hands in my lap as the mention of forced marriages. “Is that why you were on James’ island? Was he trying to sacrifice you?”
She nods as she rotates to face me. “Aiden has been keeping an eye on both of us for years, but James has been running him ragged lately. I don’t know if you remember this because your mind has been coping with some of your trauma by making you forget things, but when you were eleven, you were at my place, and some members showed up to get me because they were suspicious that I was an Everford, or at the very least, knew information about where one was. Aiden was with them. He was James’ bodyguard.” Sorrow floods her features. “He was soyoung, just thirteen years old, but he shot the men dead and then made it look like they’d found the wrong person.”
“Why would he do that?” I question. “Why did he just flip sides?”
“I know you want answers, but this one isn’t for me to tell.” She gives me an apologetic look. “Hopefully, one day Aiden will tell you. But what I can say is you can trust that man with your life. I swear, Maddy, he’ll never let anything hurt you.”
I plummet into my thoughts, thinking about how Aiden is Finn and River’s half-brother. Will they ever be close? Aiden is intensely wild and has been through a lot of dark shit, and River and Finn are, I hate to say it, sheltered. Well now they’re not as much so maybe that can be the bridge that helps them connect.
“You opened the closet door, and you were covered in blood,” I say with a sigh as I crisscross my legs. “I’ve been remembering bits and pieces of stuff I’ve forgotten, and I remember the day Aiden killed all of those people. I don’t remember him exactly, but I remember how you looked, and it scared the hell out of me, especially because it happened right after I found that dead man in the living room of my house with the needle sticking out of his arm.”
Tears well in her eyes, but she sucks them back. “I know I messed up. I know your life has been awful, but I promise you that one day you’ll get to live the life you deserve. We’ll find a way to annul the marriage between you and Finn. We’ll find a way to protect you.”
My hand absentmindedly drifts to my stomach, and a pit of nausea forms in my gut. “Some of this might now be able to be reversed.” I don’t mean to say it with such animosity, but I feel bitter for her not telling me the truth. She should’ve told me when I was old enough to understand. “I need to take a pregnancy test.”
“I know. I know what James made you do.” Her fingers tremble as she reaches into the pocket of her jacket and retrieves a pregnancy test. “I picked one up at the airport for you.” She hands it to me.
I can’t get my hands to move, knowing that the moment I take that test, my fate could be sealed for the rest of my life. But avoiding reality isn’t going to help either, so I snatch up the test, get up, and stride into the bathroom that’s attached to the bedroom.
“Maddy,” Ellie calls out as I’m closing the door.
I pause. “What?”
She stands up and makes her way toward me. “I’ll be right here, and whatever happens, we’re in this together.”
Nodding, I shut the door. The moment I do, tears sting my eyes, but I suck them back with a deep inhale. Then I go over to the toilet to take the test.
When I was in high school, my friend thought she was pregnant, so we shoplifted a test for her to take, because we were too broke to afford one. I helped her read through the instructions on how to take it, so I merely glance at these, knowing the drill. I sit down, pee on the damn stick, set it on the counter, and wait. I don’t have a phone or my watch, so I can’t set a timer. So instead, I sit on the cold tile floor in front of the bathtub and wait for a very long time, well past the required time.
I’m terrified.
I’ve spent my entire life making sure I didn’t get pregnant before I was ready to be. I fought off creeps, avoiding having sex, and relationships for that matter. And here I am, after all that work, in the situation I know I’m not ready for.
