"I'm fine," I mumble, then shake my head. "You know what? No, I'm not." I yank my gaze off the window. "I think I need to go back."
River shakes his head, rotating in the seat to glance at me.
"No, you don't," he insists pleadingly. "It's too dangerous."
"I don't care," I snap, restless energy humming through me. "You heard what Will said. He might know something about Ellie—my mom's disappearance."
"He may have just known she's missing and was trying to get you to stay," he stresses.
"I know that, but there's a small chance he does know what happened to her." I press the heel of my hand to my forehead as the world around me begins to twirl.
I've had a few massive panic attacks in my life. It's difficult not to when I'm constantly living on edge. But attending theRoyal Academy was supposed to change that, not bring more anxiety into my life.
It's too much.
The society.
Getting drugged.
Finding out that I'm an Everford.
That my aunt lied to me.
That Grey is my father.
Getting chased by Will.
The lies.
So many damn lies.
"Just focus on breathing." Noah's voice slips through the haze overtaking my brain.
My lungs are struggling to obtain oxygen as my heart pumps to the beat of my racing thoughts. It's too fast—too much. I can't think through it.
"Look at me, okay." Noah laces our fingers together and places my hand against his solid chest. "Match my breathing. You're having a panic attack."
I manage a nod and do as he instructs, matching the rhythm of the rise and fall of his chest.
"Good. You're doing good," he encourages.
My breathing begins to return to even breaths. But the reality that I had a panic attack in front of everyone washes over me.
Noah must read this in my expression because he says, "Everything will be okay. No one here will judge you. We've all been there."
Everything will be okay, he said.
I wish it were that easy, but nothing ever is, something I'm painfully reminded of as another car slams into the side of us. The force sends us spinning to the side and into a telephone post. I smack my head against something hard—maybe a window. The car flips, I’m not even sure how many times. Glassshatters, cutting at my face. A scream echoes through the air. And then everything is quiet as the car stops flipping and comes to a stop upside down.
I’m coughing as blood rushes to my head, and I can’t see anything through the smoke.
But I hear the crunching of glass, then Will’s voice claws at my conscience.
“Get Maddy and get the blond one too. He said to bring them both, or we won’t get paid,” he says.
“What about the rest of them? Another guy asks. “They look like they’re dying.”
“I don’t give a shit,” Will says. “IF they die, they die. We’ll get our money and be long gone before he can pin it on us.” I feel hands touch my wrists, and then he says, “Who knew northside trash Maddy would be a Royal.”
