I twist around and rest my arms on the back of the chair. “You anonymously paid my bail.”
“I was going to tell you … eventually,” he replies, fiddling with the drawstring on his pants. “I just didn’t know how.”
“And what would’ve happened if I hadn’t shown up here on the first day?” I question. “Would you have remained anonymous? Or would you have tracked me down?”
He shifts his weight from one foot to another. “I honestly don’t have the answer to that, but there’s a chance I would’ve tracked you down.”
A tightening sensation swells through my chest, not necessarily in a bad way, but in an unfamiliar way.
I angle my head to the side. “You would’ve tracked me down on northside?” I question dubiously.
He hesitantly nods, his gaze never leaving mine. “I may have.”
I want to discuss this further, because it’s a lot to unpack, but Finn ruins the moment.
“I have a few ideas on how to get Maddy off the society’s list,” he announces unnecessarily loud. “But I’ll need a day to look into the rules.” He pushes away from the table. “I’m going to bed. I have an early class.” He starts to cross the room then pauses. “And you two clearly have some things to discuss.”
River’s chest heaves as he sighs.
Finn walks away then, and disappears down the hallway. A second later, a door softly clicks shut.
The silence that follows is awkward at best.
I loathe it, so I decide to end it.
“We don’t have to talk about what happened.” I stand up. “I feel like we got caught in all of the adrenaline, you know with my mom, the guy at the grocery store, and then the society declaring they’re after me.”
His gaze welds to mine, and a line forms between his brows. “You think that’s why”—he motions at the sofa—“we ended up doing that?” He’s dumbfounded at the concept.
And it is pretty dumb, but … “You’re betrothed, and you’ve told me a handful of times that you don’t do this kind of stuff.” I gesture between him and myself. “Because of that, you don’t owe me anything.”
He plunges into silence, a series of unreadable emotions flickering across his face. “I know that.”
“Good. Then we can continue being friends who experimented once with each other.” I force a smile.
Why do those words feel like razors slicing my tongue?
His throat muscles work as he forcefully swallows. “If that’s what you want, then yeah, sure.”
I could rescind my statement, but at the end of this, River will end up with Isla, so getting involved with him would lead to no real future. And that’s not what I want, even if River is the sweetest and most gorgeous guy I’ve ever met.
I nod, and the move is worse than razors slicing my tongue. It feels hollow, like I can feel my impending loneliness creeping up inside me.
He gives an uneven nod, too, and then quietness twirls around us.
“I’m going to go back to my room.” I step toward the front door.
His warm fingers fold around my upper arm, reminding me of how good it felt for him to touch me. “No, it’s not safe,” he insists. “You should stay here. You said we could be friends, and as your friend, I want to protect you.”
Goddammit, why did he have to use that word—protect? It’s so soft and inviting.
I turn my head to look at him. “I don’t need protection. I know how to do that on my own.”
“I know.” With a few steps, he reduces the space between us. “But you don’t have to remain in fight mode, Mads. Like I said earlier, stay the night here and feel safe. What happened between us doesn’t need to change things.” He smiles, the corners of his lips a bit stiff.
He’s trying. And I do want him to remain my friend.
“All right,” I agree. “I’ll stay the night.”
