Since her passing, everything I’ve accomplished and everything I do now, I do it solely for myself.
And sometimes that’s a really lonely feeling.
***
The sun is setting, painting the sky in vibrant hues of pink and orange. There is nothing but the sound of laughter, of old friends reconnecting as we dash around the local recreation grounds.
I stretch my neck as I survey the field, looking for any signs of weakness from my opponents. I’ve been playing football since pee wee ball, and the competitive nature of the game will probably always run through my veins–even in a game of touch football with friends.
It’s good to see John, Felix and Keith on the field today. We’d all been friends in high school, but the years have changed them. I’m not sure if they’re envious of my good fortune or if it’s a matter of them wanting to show me that they still have got what it takes on the football field, but the tension between us all is palpable. There are safety rules to touch football that we’ve never actually enforced and, just like in past times, this game is going to get physical.
I eye one of the men on the opposing team, in particular, because it’s Kyle’s work friend, Tre. The two of us know something about each other the others do not.
We both want Kaya.
My only advantage is that I’m the only one who knows that she’s single again, but that fact doesn’t make me feel any better, because it’s just a matter of time before he finds out.
The game really heats up once the women arrive at the field to watch us play. Men already have a competitive nature when it comes to sports, but when there’s an audience, it becomes even fiercer. There’s Dena, her sister Felicia, another two women I don’t recognize and, of course… Kaya.
Bundled up in a short, back quilted jacket, tight fitting black jeans, and one of those French-looking black berets on her head, Kaya looks absolutely and unequivocally fuckable.
I check the atmosphere to see if God is going to strike me down with lightning for even having the thought while her brother stands right next to me.
Kyle runs over to Dena and gives her an enormous bear hug and a kiss on the mouth as I stare in envy of what they have. I’ve never had that, and I thought I’d never really want it, but I know that if I ever make a proper move on Kaya, it would have to be because I want forever after and not just because of a temporary attraction.
I’m not the only one day dreaming, though. I quickly notice how Tre is ogling Kaya as she chats with the other women on the side.
Kaya hasn’t acknowledged me with even a head nod, so ignoring how cold it is, I pull off my shirt and flex my muscles in the way that men often do to exhibit our dominance. It’s a juvenile tactic that gets her attention, and I offer Tre a knowing smirk when he notices, as well.
Kyle has the ball, and it’s his job to determine who he’s going to pass it to next. I shake free from my defenders and he tosses it to me. I’m fast and agile, dodging my opponents with ease, but of course, I have the advantage of being an actual NFL player, and the other men don’t stand a chance.
I catch the look on Kaya’s face, her lips are turned up to one side, and she’s giving me the side eye, so I decide maybe I should slow down and stop trying so hard. It isn’t fair to the guys and Kaya’s evidently not appreciating my showboating. But then something in the air changes. Tre locks his beady little eyes on me and silently challenges me to way more than the outcome of this game.
“Tre, pass the ball!” Keith shouts at him.
Now that he has the ball, I should mow him down like I would a defensive back in a real game but neither one of us is truly focused on the game we’re playing, but instead we’re assessing each other like two stealth cats on a hunt.
Tre passes the ball to Keith and they quickly score. When Kaya cheers for them, I cut my eyes to her until I get a heavy pat on the back.
“Yo, keep your head in the game,” Kyle cautions. “You’re supposed to be my secret weapon and we’re losing. You know I don’t like to lose.”
I stare again at Kaya.
“Neither do I.”
As the game continues, the tension between Tre and I grows more palpable, although the men on the field, including Kyle, are completely clueless that the two of us are competing for the affections of a woman who probably doesn’t want either of us.
It’s my turn with the ball and I can feel Kaya’s eyes on me. I could easily ram this thing down the field into the end zone and give Kyle the win he wants, but I feel as if I’m cloaked in Kaya’s judgement of me.
She thinks I’m arrogant and selfish and she’s pretty much correct about that, but not today. I run a few steps then pass the ball to John, who hasn’t gotten the ball at all today. But after several attempts, we aren’t able to score and the other team wins.
“Woohoo!”
“Yeah!”
Tre’s team celebrates their win and we smile at each other as we share a handshake.
“Good game,” he says.
