“Yeah.”
“What’s he saying? Is he off the rails?”
“I haven’t listened to any of the messages. I prefer to be in a good mood when I clean or I won’t do a good job.”
“I think we should listen to the last one just for shits and giggles. I mean, you’ve never left him before. Don’t you want to hear him beg for your forgiveness?”
I seriously doubt Ray is begging me for anything, I think, as I unenthusiastically pull my earphones out of the port of my phone and turn the speaker on. I hit play on the last voice message.
I am running out of patience, Karma. I don’t care if you’re half dead in the middle of the street. If you don’t call me back in the next ten minutes, you are going to regret fucking with me.
“What a limp dick,” Ruby laughs, but I don’t think anything about Ray’s message is funny.
“Maybe I should text him that I’m okay.”
“Uh, you absolutely should not do that.”
I don’t tell Ruby this, but I’m scared. Ray doesn’t sound just annoyed with me, he sounds lethal. I never thought that I would truly believe this about my boyfriend, but I think he has the potential to hurt me and probably Ruby by association. He’s not stupid. He knows that I don’t have any friends and the first place he’s going to start sniffing around is my workplace.
I go back to bagging vintage silverware as Ruby handles warming lunch for us, so when she’s not looking, I take a moment to send Ray a quick text. Maybe it’s the not knowing if I’m okay that’s driving him crazy.
Me: I’m fine. You do not have to keep calling me.
Ray: Where are you?
Me: At work.
Ray: You know what I mean.
Me: This isn’t working between us. I’m not coming back.
Ray: Babe, I hit you by accident. You’re blowing this all out of proportion. I’d never hurt you on purpose.
Me: It’s not just about you hitting me.
Ray: I’m going to come where you are and we can talk this out. I don’t want to do this over text.
Me: I’m at work, Ray.
Ray: I don’t care.
Me: But I do. I need this job.
Ray: You’re testing my patience, Karma.
I consider how I want to respond to his last text. There’s a veiled threat underneath the words, and I can literally feel his negative energy escalating through the phone.
Me: Good bye.
I couldn’t think of anything else more profound to say, probably because Ruby was right. I shouldn’t have started the texting thing at all with Ray. I just figured he would be out of his mind with worry about me and that’s not what I want. Even after all he’s done, I don’t want to be the cause of any more drama with him. Honestly, I blame myself that it’s gotten this far out of hand.
Why do I keep attracting men who have all this baggage? Why can’t I just fall for someone normal? Someone who doesn’t feel the need to control my every move. And Someone who doesn’t get angry at everything I say.
I don’t know, maybe in order to attract normalcy, you’ve got to be normal yourself… something I’m afraid I’ve never had the luxury of being. No one gets to be normal where I’m from. Chaos is all I know.
After ten minutes of nothing, I almost exhale with relief until I get a text that raises the hairs on the back of my neck.
Ray: This isn’t over, bitch.
