He’s quite the nosey little suit and tie fucker, isn’t he?
“I believe so.”
“And who are you again?”
“I’m Gigi’s Uno partner, her nemesis, and her protector.”
He looks at me like I’ve got a screw loose.
Maybe I do.
“Those are three very distinct descriptors to give yourself, especially the protector one. Why would she need you for that?”
“I guess Gigi didn’t tell you much about me then.”
“Not as much as I would have liked.”
“Then let me enlighten you. I’ve been keeping Gigi out of trouble her whole life, which is why I will not let you in this apartment today. In fact, it’s why I will not allow you to stay in her life, either. And it’s not just because I think Gigi deserves the man of her dreams and all that type of Hollywood bullshit, but it’s really because I know that the two of you will never work out, plain and simple.”
“You’re making a lot of assumptions for someone that just breezed back into Gigi’s life. I’ve known her for over a year and she’s never even mentioned you once. Sorry, dude, but you must not be that important to her.”
“I feel like you’re getting a bit defensive, Matty. You might want to calm down. I don’t do well with confrontation.”
“Dude, are you insane? Are you on medication? Is Gigi safe with you here? If I sound defensive it's because you’re telling me that you’re going to actively try to keep my girlfriend from me. Who are you to tell me anything!”
“I’m doing you a kindness, Matt-Matt. Trust me, it will end badly for you if you don’t get out now.”
“I’m a big boy and I can deal with my own love life whether it involves heartbreak or not and Gigi doesn’t need your interference either.”
“Did you know that when she was nine-years-old she ran away from home?”
“So.”
“She didn’t get very far. She made it as far as the nearby Starbucks on Chestnut Street. The store was new back then. I think she was looking for any excuse to sit in there. She spent about three hours sitting at the largest table in the store trying to figure out how she was going to book a plane ticket to California.”
“Why California?”
“Isn’t it obvious? By then, she was obsessed with acting and wanted to try her luck at becoming a star. That girl has always dreamed big,” I laugh, reminiscing about that long ass day in Starbucks. “And did you know when she was twelve-years-old that a car hit her?”
His face scrunches up. Like I figured, he doesn't know shit about my Gigi.
“No, I didn’t know that either, but why are you telling me all of this? What's the point of this story?”
“Because even scared shitless, it was me who picked her up off that asphalt and held her limp body until the ambulance came. And when she ran away, it was me who sat with her and drank vanilla Frappuccinos until I wanted to puke my guts out, waiting until her mom arrived to convince her to go back home. And it will be me again who picks her up off the floor when she’s been crying for three days because you inevitably broke her heart whether you meant to or not.”
“I have no intentions of hurting Gigi, but all relationships are a crap shoot. I don’t know why you’re creating problems where there aren’t any.”
“Let me put this another way so that it makes more sense to someone like you. I’ve met guys like you my entire life. I went to high school with kids like you. You think you’re playing the long game. You met Gigi in college and thought she was a fixer upper; someone you could mold into just the woman you wanted. Or maybe she’s someone you’ll date until someone better comes along. Or maybe you’re just biding your time until you fuck her, but once you do, you’re going to disappear on her. Yeah, that’s probably it.
"She probably seems like a challenge because you’re used to girls dropping their panties for your suit and tie bullshit, but Gigi hasn’t yet, so you’re in it for as long as it takes, waiting until you get the pussy.
“But your game is not as long as mine, Matty. I’ve been playing it before you and will be playing it after you. And sure, I was benched for a while when I wasn’t living here but I’m home now, and if you’re not serious as a heart attack about my oldest friend in the world, then you need to step the fuck off.”
“You’ve got me all wrong, friend, but I’m not going to lie to you. Gigi and I are real young to be the kind of serious you’re talking about. We’ve just started dating.”
“Then I think you know what you need to do.”
I'm giving him a test, which he doesn’t pass, because it doesn’t even take him sixty-seconds to make his decision.
