Carla waits for me to get in the car and start driving before she rings the bell. She wants to make sure I’m gone. As we drive away, I can see Tito staring at me in the rearview mirror with a look on his face that I can’t quite describe. If I had to give it a name, I’d say it was disappointment.
“What, Tito?”
“What are you going to do?”
Tito is the only person I’ve ever confided in about the little girl I pulled out of the car that day. I’m not sure why I told him. I guess I needed to tell someone, and I knew I could trust him with it.
“I’m going to go to the airport. I need to get away and get my head straight.”
“You sure that’s what you want to do?”
“I think I went about all of this the wrong way. Maybe I was doing this more for myself than for her. I’ve got to put Owens first for once.”
“You’ve put her first for three years. You made good on your promise to her. You came back for her. You protected her. You made her strong. You love her, man. Anyone with half a brain can see that, or at least I see it.”
I lean my head against the window as we move silently through the streets of Brooklyn. It feels heavy like my heart. Like there’s nothing that I’ll ever be able to do to lift it.
I miss her already.
Chapter Twenty-Six
COOP
Aday that has been so painful for Owens that her subconscious chose to protect her from it wasn’t the case for me. I can still smell the smoke. I can still see the fire. And I can still see the cars piled up on top of each other like mangled Legos. I always have.
The fact that Owens knows the truth or at least part of the truth scares me. The fact that she was staring at me like I’m some hero who saved her wrecks me. I’m nobody’s hero. And actually, for a long time I thought I was a coward. A coward that allowed a middle-aged woman with red lipstick and large breasts to trick me into a car, then kidnap me, then frighten me. I hated myself for a long time over it.
The accident that stole Owens’s mother gave me back my freedom, because I was also a part of that crash. The storm was coming down hard and fast and my kidnapper couldn’t see well no matter how fast she increased the wiper speed. If she had been smart she would have pulled over until the rain passed, but she wasn’t smart, she was desperate. Desperate to move me to a new location and take the place of her dead son. A son whom I later found out that she accidentally smothered.
Our car skidded into the car in front of us which held Owens and her mom. Sending their car spinning and toppling over to the side of road. Another car hit us from behind, and then another, and then another. The front of our car crunched like an accordion, trapping my kidnapper in her seat. I, on the other hand, was injured but able to free myself from the back.
I later discovered that my eardrum was punctured, but that I probably didn’t feel much pain because of the adrenaline coursing through my body. I remember banging the back door with my fists. Frantically trying to free myself. I didn’t know if the kidnapper could move or not. All I could hear were her muffled moans of pain and pleas for help. They fueled me. I wanted to get away from her as fast as I could. I hoped that she died in there.
Once I escaped, I did my best to hobble as quickly as I could to the wreckage. I didn’t know who I’d find inside but discovered that it was a woman in front and a little girl unconscious in the back. Owens. I went to the woman first. She was hanging upside down, her breaths were shallow, and her eyes wide open. It was frightening at first.
“Help her,” she whispered through what seemed like excruciating pain. “Help my daughter.”
I used all of my strength left to open the back door of their car. Sliding out the girl I later learned to be Ursula Owens to the side of the road.
She was small, shivering, and at the time it seemed like the life was escaping her little body. Perhaps she was only in shock. I didn’t know. I did the only thing that I could think to do. I covered her with my body. Shielding her from the rain until help arrived.
Soon I heard the sirens. They were still at a distance, but they were making their way toward us. I knew help was coming. Coming for me, for the girl, for her mom, and to arrest the horrid woman who took me.
But then I saw the car door jiggle. My kidnapper was trying to free herself, and I feared that she was getting really close to succeeding. I was frightened. There was no way I was going back with her. No way.
“Wake up.” I tried shaking Owens awake. “Wake up, little girl.”
When her eyes finally opened I was so relieved. Then I saw my captor nudging her car door open. Her beady eyes looking desperately for me.
She still couldn’t get the door open enough to slide out, but I didn’t know that at the time. I panicked. I had to get away.I can leave the little girl hereI remember thinking. Help is on the way. She’ll be fine. The woman wants me. A boy. Not a little girl.
“Sit here for a minute,” I told her.
“My mommy,” she pleaded.
She wanted me to go back and help get her mom out of the car. She didn’t understand that I couldn’t help even though I wanted to. I was only a kid myself. I couldn’t carry a grown woman. I had barely gotten her out.
“One of the grown-ups will help her,” I assured her. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do it.”
