If the kiss meant anything to him, he wouldn’t be radio silent like this. He would have brought it up or something. Wait, what am I saying? A kiss has never meant anything to him. I’m going to chalk the whole thing up to a drunken mistake. I’m allowed to make at least one of those in a lifetime.
I haven’t taken a day off of work since Carla’s last miscarriage. That was over a year and a half ago. I suppose it would be safe to say that I have used work these past years to fill my life with meaning when I should have been trying to find joy in other places. So that’s what I’m going to do over these next two weeks. Focus on me. Find my joy.
Today’s theme is total relaxation. Something I’ve always believed isn’t in my DNA, but that I’m going to try today. First up is a forty-five minute Swedish massage by a gorgeous Greek masseuse named Nikos. Too bad he’s gay. Twenty minutes in and I think my Greek god wants to strangle me. I had no idea that I was this ticklish. Massages are not for me.
Next up is a hot stone pedicure and a gel manicure. These go swimmingly well. Both my nails and toes are a soft pink color which pops against my rich summer tan.
I can’t get Greece off the brain, so I stop at a food truck and order a gyro. It’s delicious. There’s nothing like food truck cuisine.
Next up is the hair salon. I decide that today I’m going to do a length check and get my curls blown out, trimmed, and colored. I want the works. Carla sends me the name of her stylist who is about twenty minutes where I’m from and has a last minute cancellation.
Aside from the massage, I feel like my day is going pretty well. I think I could get used to a routine of self-care. The stylist offers me a hand mirror after ninety minutes of primping and prodding, cutting and coloring.
“How do you like it?”
I take a look in the mirror and fall in love with the woman in the reflection.
“It’s perfect.”
My hair feels lush and healthy and is dyed the perfect warm chestnut brown with a few strawberry-blond highlights. No more harsh black color. The stylist blew it out, trimmed the ends, and then gave me loose beach waves with a few flicks of a large barreled curling iron.
“Glad you like it. I’m trying to get your sister to get some highlights after she has the baby.”
“That’s a good idea. She’d look great.”
My phone hasn’t rung once and I’ve purposely avoided checking emails. If anything really pressing were to come up, I’m sure Jane would call me right away for some assistance. All must be well. It’s not easy for me, but I have to learn how to let go and be in the moment. I need to learn how to follow this new path that I’m on—wherever it may lead.
Before I head home, I decide that it might be a nice idea to take a stroll around my neighborhood while catching up on one of my favorite podcasts on acting. I’m about thirty minutes away from my apartment when the sky becomes overcast and billowy, gray clouds start to roll in.
The meteorologist I watched on the news this morning should get a pay cut. She hasn’t predicted the correct weather in the last three weeks. At this point I think that meteorology might be a complete sham. Just like astrology.
I quicken my steps, because I don’t want a thunderstorm ruining my beautiful beach waves. It’s Thursday and the plan was to forget about that kiss by putting on a little red lipstick, some tight jeans, and hanging out with Monica for once. I at least wanted to show her my sexy hairdo before it turns into one giant frizz ball.
My body trembles at the sound.
Thunder.
Thunder that I can feel deep inside my chest.
Thunder that sounds eerily familiar and triggers a deep-seated fear in me that I can’t explain.
The thunder of my dreams.
The drops start to fall and are as heavy and punishing as a spray from a backyard water hose. Powerful. Heavy. Cool.
I start to run.
My one hundred fifty dollar hairdo starts to fall and quickly sticks to the sides of my face. My sundress is drenched. My Converse are soaked. I run faster.
The thunder rumbles again.
And now lightning follows it.
Cracking the sky wide open and triggering a memory I had long believed was dormant forever.
I stop where I am and collapse on a set of concrete steps. Huddled into a ball. Reliving a nightmare under the clouds and the rain.
I remember.
