She’s all over the place.
“Monica, I told you that wasn’t true!”
“I know but you’d protect this man with your last earthly breath, so you might have been lying when you told me he wasn’t.”
I smile to myself.
Her last earthly breath?
“Okay, ladies, let’s hit the road. Tito is waiting outside in the car for us.”
“But I drove my car, Coop.”
“You drove your car to the bar to get drunk?”
“Our designated driver had to leave early.”
“I’ll figure out a way to get your car home. You’re leaving.”
“You’re gorgeous,” Monica says to me with glassy eyes.
“Thank you.”
“No seriously … you’re adorable on TV in your uniform and everything, but up close in those jeans your ass is everything.”
They both bust out in spirited laughter.
I just shake my head.
“Come on you two and don’t lag behind. I wouldn’t want you to trip and fall staring at my perfect ass.”
“And he’s funny too? Wait until I tell Carla. You’re an Aquarius, right?”
* * *
Tito and I agree that the best plan would be for him to drop Monica off at her house in Queens and for me to drive Owens home in her car to Brooklyn. I’ve never been in her car before, and I pray to God that I never will have to again. I practically have to fold my body in half to squeeze into the driver’s seat.
“Why would you buy this tiny car?”
“It’s a great car. Good on gas. Rearview camera.”
“Look at me, Owens. If I pass out because of a lack of oxygen, it’s because of thisgreatcar.”
“Well this is all I could afford on my salary.”
“Are you trying to say that I only pay you enough to afford half a car?”
She laughs loudly and rolls down the car window.
“This car is the perfect size.”
“For a hobbit.”
“Take me home, Jeeves!” she yells wildly with a faux British accent.
“What are you the queen mother now?”
“Yesss!”
