"You're blurry."
"Aww, you're really twisted aren't you?"
"Twisted?"
"Drunk."
"I don't think so. Wouldn't I be slurring?"
"You are slurring," one of them laughs.
Another blurry mass yells from across the room, "Hey, man. Next round is on you!"
"You and your friends are like gigantic. Look how they barely fit in the seats. I think they're going to break the couches over there," I giggle.
I can't stop laughing.
"You want another drink, Freshman?"
I may be tipsy, but I'm not stupid.
"So you can have some sort of ménage with me? Uh, I think not." I frown.
That gets me a huge laugh.
"First of all there's only one of me standing in front of you right now, and secondly I like my women sober, so they can at least remember my name when they call it out. I just wanted to buy you a drink, because I'm celebrating and evidently I'm also paying for everyone's third round in here."
"Celebrating what?"
"I just got dumped."
I don't know why anyone would celebrate that. Hell, at this point I'm still trying to figure out why I still see two of him.
"So you're sure you're not a twin?"
"Damn, you're cute in your little corporate suit, but this is bad timing. I've officially sworn off women."
For a moment I feel woozy and when I dip a little to the left on my stool, he quickly places his enormous hands back around my waist and saves me from another near death experience.
"Did you eat today, Freshman?" he asks with concern.
I usually eat six little meals a day, but at this point I'm sure I've missed at least two of them. I didn't eat anything at the dinner tonight, so my stomach is probably empty. Maybe I didn't think this drinking alcohol thing completely through.
"I may have skipped a meal."
The big guy doesn't sit down but continues to stand behind me, still holding me by the waist, and speaks closely by my ear. If I wasn't so tipsy, it would be very sexy.
No wait, it is sexy.
"These are the basic rules to getting shit-faced, Freshman. You listening?"
I nod my head silently.
"Good girl. All right, so you need to eat before you drink. That's very important. You should drink the same alcohol all night. No mixing vodka with tequila. No red cups ever. Even at an office party. Pace yourself with glasses of water in between drinks. And never drink alone. That only leads to trouble."
"I like rules," I say not even fully processing everything he's said. "Rules are good."
"I see that." Is what I think he murmurs in response.
