In the words of Scooby Doo ... rut roh.
"Sure, you want to see my old bedroom? We can talk there."
"Not even a little bit."
"Your loss," I say trying to lighten the mood. "I was going to show you all my high school trophies. Show you how badass I was."
"So it's like I figured. You peaked in high school."
My mother giggles at that joke.
"Very funny. How about I take you to meet Mork, Mindy, Laverne and Shirley then."
"Who?"
"The chickens."
My mother had the chicken coop rebuilt. This is the third rebuild, and I swear it looks like The White House. These chickens probably have a better life than some people. There's no way she's ever going to put one of them on the grill as nature intended. They're like her babies. Before I can point out each hen and my nephew's rooster to Sabrina, she cuts me off with a finger pointed to my face.
"Soyouare the stranger?"
"The stranger?" I play dumb.
"The stranger that I drunk talked to at the hotel in Georgetown three years ago. The stranger who must have been responsible for helping me into my room and tucking me into bed with two Advils and a cool compress."
The gig's finally up.
"Yeah, that was me."
"So why would you not tell me that this whole time?"
"I didn't know if that was an event that you wanted to be reminded of. You were pretty upset that night. And then once I realized you didn't recognize me, I didn't think I should mention it. So I decided to leave it alone. Up until today that is."
"You took my clothes off!"
"I sure did. You were sweaty and drunk."
"Oh my God."
"Oh my God is right. Have you ever tried carrying and undressing a hundred and forty pounds of dead weight? It ain't easy."
"A hundred and thirty, smartass."
"If you say so, babe."
"And the Freshman remark the other day?"
"It was obviously your first time doing shots, and you were drunk as a fish, so I called you Freshman."
"How do you remember all of that?"
"It was a memorable night."
"We didn't–"
"No, nothing happened. I like my women alert and coherent. Plus I was supposed to get married that weekend. I don't do revenge sex. Not my style."
"And you recognized me in the restaurant the night I was with Jason?"
