I might not survive another one.
Thirty-Three
ADRIENNE
“Who gets married on Thanksgiving Day?”Dena fusses as she helps me blow out my hair. “We should all be sitting around the table eating turkey, macaroni and cheese and watching–”
She stops herself.
“You can say it,” I tell her.
“Watching football,” she hesitantly finishes her sentence. “Sorry, A.”
It’s been several weeks since I’ve seen or heard from Jason. He’s been in and out-of-town traveling with the Nighthawks as they continue playing their season. Even though he’s on injured reserved, as quarterback of the team it’s still his job to be at all games, helping the backup quarterback with plays and whatever else Dena tried to explain to me he does.
Today they are away in Texas playing Dallas, and I imagine while he’s there he’ll visit his family because of the holiday. I don’t expect to hear from him, and I’d feel a little silly at this point reaching out to him. I was the one so adamant about him leaving me alone, only to regret that he’s finally listening to what I asked for.
“Dena, stop pulling so hard, you’re going to make me bald.”
“I mean, is Cecily going to have little paper turkeys as centerpieces? What the hell? This was not her smartest idea.”
“I’m pretty sure there aren’t any paper turkeys. Her color is blush pink.”
“It’s just super weird.”
“I’m sure picking today to get married was all about saving money. My aunt and uncle are pretty thrifty and they’re paying for this wedding. They probably got a deal on the event space.”
“I hope they got it for free.”
“You didn’t have to accept the invitation, you know,” I say annoyed with her comments but mostly just annoyed period. “Cecily is my ridiculous cousin, but only I get to talk about her, not you.”
“I had to accept. Would I leave my best friend to fend for herself in a den of vipers? You know your entire family is going be gunning for you for information about Jett. You’re like a celebrity after that first article. Good thing you photograph well. Gossip sites have scrounged up pictures of you I haven’t seen in years. Remember when I cut you those bangs in undergrad?”
“They can ask me all the questions they want to. There’s nothing to talk about. I haven’t talked to him in weeks.”
“You can say his name.”
“I’m fine.”
“It’s okay if you want to forgive him, A. In fact, I give you permission to forgive him. Hell, if it was me I’d give that fine human specimen a second chance, a third and a fourth.”
“I’m going to blab to your husband how you’re in here gushing over another man.”
“Danny knows all about my celebrity crushes and he’s perfectly fine with them because neither of us are going anywhere except back in bed with each other at the end of the night. That’s the cool thing about marriage. ”
I consider my behavior over the last few weeks. There hasn’t been one day when I haven’t thought about Jason, searched for news about him on the internet, or stared at my phone willing it to ring. Maybe the only person I’m punishing is myself.
I don’t know.
I guess I’m waiting for some kind of sign to point me in the right direction or to help move past this man once and for all.
I just need a sign.
* * *
An hour later my hair has been expertly blown out and curled by Dena, but I still have another two hours before I have to go to my mom’s to get my face done by the makeup artist she hired.
I click on the television and make my bed. The Nighthawks don’t play until tonight, but I have recently learned that there are shows dedicated to the buildup to these games that are on all day. When I’m tucking in the corners of my sheets, I hear his name.
