There are bouquets of freesias, orchids, roses, lilies, hydrangeas and peonies all over my living room. They keep coming. Day after day, Jason sends me a floral arrangement. He won’t stop. I would give some to the neighbors, but I barely know them. It got so annoying I texted him, but soon realized that’s exactly what he wanted.
Me: Stop sending me all these dead plants.
Jason: You don’t like them?
Me: NO!
Jason: I thought you said you liked flowers.
Me: You never asked me that.
Jason: Flowers or Candy, then?
Me: Neither
Jason: More flowers or a third date?
Me: I’m not playing this game with you.
Jason: Then go drink because you probably need a cocktail right about now, don’t you? I bet it’s hard recollecting all day, every day, about how good it felt when I was so deep inside your pussy that you couldn’t think straight.
Me: You are a nut job.
Jason: I’ve never heard a woman come so loudly in my life. Admit you love this Texas dick. Riding me reverse cowboy like a fucking champion. I’m hard just thinking about it.
I went radio silent after that because I spent the next fifteen minutes in bed with my vibrator, reliving exactly every dirty word he sent in his text message. And almost like he knew, he sent me one more message later that night.
Me: Good night, beautiful. I hope you came hard. I know I did.
“Be quiet and come in,” I tell Dena.
“Caroline wants to meet you.”
I look at Dena like she just bumped her head.
“And why would either of us want to do that?”
“Because her unsatisfied client demands it.”
This man.
“What did he say to her? He didn’t even pay for the match. This was a favor on both of our parts. What demands could he possibly be making?”
“He wrote her a check to pay for the match like any other client.”
“When?”
“Yesterday.”
“How much was it?”
“One-hundred and fifty thousand dollars.”
“What?! You have got to be kidding me, Dena.”
“I swear that’s the going rate for a high-end match. Women pay less, of course. There’s a method to their madness, I suppose.”
“I can’t even believe I let you talk me into participating in such an archaic system to begin with. Men and women should just meet the old-fashioned way.”
