“You have got to be kidding me, Dena.”
Fifteen
ADRIENNE
“I’m hanging up,”I say emphatically.
“You have something against matchmakers? We watched a whole series about them on Netflix last month. You thought it was a brilliant show.”
“That show was for entertainment purposes. None of those people are even together, just like The Bachelor and all those other dating reality shows. They’re all actors.”
“This is the real deal, though. No cameras. No acting. In fact, one of her matches just got engaged this week.”
“It’s literally been one week, Dena. Can’t a woman grieve the end of her relationship without you trying to set me up every other minute?”
“I know you well enough to know that you’re not grieving, Adrienne, you’re wallowing. Those two things are very different. A date is just what you need. If you don’t get back out there right away, you might wake up a year from now in a scarf and a housedress looking like your grandmother.”
“Excuse you, but my Grandmom Jane is a snappy dresser.”
“In the 1970s she was.”
“I’m not even thirty yet; I think you’re dramatizing the situation.”
“That’s exactly how it happens. Look at my sister. She’s forty and living with her baby’s daddy because she farted around for twenty years and then settled for the only guy around when she was ready to have a baby.”
“Maybe her relationship makes her happy. Everyone isn’t going to find their perfect match like you and Danny. ”
Dena is my day one. My best friend. She fell in love with Danny in the sixth grade, and neither of them have ever looked at anyone else since. After college, the two of them started a small nonprofit organization that helps men find work after being released from prison. Danny spends most of his time with outreach to prisons and Dena spends most of her time applying for grants and finding businesses who will hire felons. Their life could literally be a Hallmark movie. It’s inspiring, romantic and disgusting all rolled into one, and it has also unofficially made her our friend group’s go-to relationship expert.
A role she relishes.
“Just go on one date.”
“Not interested.”
“She only deals with a certain clientele. The men have to pay a lot of money to join so you know they’re serious.”
“Exactly my point, I don’t want anything serious.”
“Of course not, but at least you won’t be dating someone whose only agenda is to get inside your pants.”
“The perfect solution for that would be abstinence.”
“Don’t give Troy the satisfaction of knowing that you’re miserable without him.”
“I’m not miserable without him,” I protest. “I’m miserablebecauseof him.”
“So we agree then?”
“I see why your organization is so successful. You don’t take no for an answer.”
“I’m allergic to that word. You of all people should know that about me.”
“You’re never going to stop are you?” I ask, already exhausted by this conversation.
“You’re my best friend and it’s my duty to help you find happiness, especially when an opportunity like this falls on my lap.”
“How much is this opportunity? You know I’m on a budget.”
