I shrug my shoulders, then wave her away half-heartedly. "I think a lot of it is just who I am."
"It's not though," she says quickly. "Look at Selah and Alex and that friend from your work. You met them after decades of 'guarding yourself,' and you still let them in. That heart of yours that you think is so easily distracted by humor and sarcasm… it's not. At least not as easily as your mind might be. It knows what it wants to hold on to. And trust me..." her voice fades as she looks towards her sister's room. "That's one thing you won't ever outrun."
Sliding my zipper mindlessly up and down the front of my jacket, I soak up her thoughts. The idea of letting Drew fully into my heart is scary as hell. But I think if I'm honest with myself, he's already there. Just like Say Say and Alex and Tessa. He somehow fought his way in, and now? Now, I wouldn't just bekeepinghim out, I'd bethrowinghim out. And something tells me that Mom's right again. That would be a lot harder to do.
Especially when it feels so right with him there.
"Do you know what I'm saying, Brooke?" Mom asks, searching my face for her answer.
I huff out a laugh, looking down at my zipper, then bring my eyes back to her. "All I got from that is that you think I'm funny..."
She slaps my arm before grabbing my hands again, and we both sink forward in our chairs. "No, I hear you," I say, then I bite my lip trying to decide how much to give.
She notices. "Tell me," she says.
I contemplate it for another few seconds before finally giving in. "I do really like him, Mom." She smiles softly and nods. "And this is what I wanted—to settle down. To build something. But what if heisleaving? What if I finally lay a foundation and he's gone before anything can grow?"
She doesn't answer right away. Instead, she traces soft circles on the back of my hand with her thumb. "Then you still built it," she argues gently. "You still proved that you're ready. That you’re capable.”
"Yeah,” I say, still not quite convinced.
Mom sits up straighter. "You’re not fragile, Brooke. You never have been. And I might have taken advantage of that, but it’s true.”
Her voice cracks so slightly that at any other moment I might have missed it. But I don't. "And you’re intuitive,” she adds, catching me by surprise. "You know yourself, and you read others better than most people I know. Something tells me you wouldn’t have gotten this far just chasing hope."
My brows crease together as a wave of something I can only explain as reassurance washes over me. "What do you mean?”
Mom shakes her head. "I think it’s more of what I'm asking. Do you think Drew would do this, Brooke? Just decide he’s leaving without any warning?”
She pauses, giving me time to think, but I don’t need it. The answer is already waiting. "No,” I say easily. "No, I really don’t think he would.”
Mom gives me her infamousI Told You Solook, but for the first time, I’m grateful for it. "Well, there ya go.” She drops my hands and holds hers open. "You are whole all by yourself, hunny—always have been. And that’s one of your greatest qualities.” She peers down at me as she has so often. "But talk to him. Let him explain for himself."
I nod, already knowing I will.
"And for the love of God," she adds, her tone lifting. "Go get your damn man."
My mouth falls to the floor, and Mom simply raises one eyebrow in my direction. "I love this version of you," I finally quip.
She reaches for my shoulders and pulls me into a tight hug. "And I love every version of you."
I squeeze her back, reveling in quite possibly the most genuine embrace we've ever had. This is one of those moments, I think, where there will be befores and afters. I smile, holding her just a little longer, then let go.
I can't wait for the afters.
"Now, leave!" she says, her volume at an absolutely inappropriate waiting room level. An older man behind us, who I just now am realizing is asleep in a chair, snores loudly and clicks his lips, his eyes still heavy.
Adrenaline courses through me as I prepare to obey, but then my whole body melts. "There's really no rush. He has a game. And I have no car—we drove here together."
"So, take mine. And go wait for him."
I shake my head. "It's just starting. Those things take hours. What if you or Dad or Ivy needs something?"
"Then call one of those car services—Lift or Huber."
I snort. "I'm sorry, do you mean an Uber?"
She rolls her eyes playfully. "Will you just call already?"
